“I know,” I say. I feel desperate. I want so much for him to have a different reaction. “I know you don’t legally have to support me. But you seemed so happy to see me. I was hoping that since you’re my dad, you’d be willing to help me get on my feet. Just for a little while.”

“This is ridiculous,” my father mumbles to himself. He looks sharply at me. “Why wasn’t this in the newspapers? Why didn’t I know about this?”

I shrug, my heart heavy. It’s taking every ounce of self-control not to react visibly.

“What am I supposed to do now?” my father demands, his eyes flashing.

“You?”

“Yeah, me!” he says. He seems to be getting angrier as he goes. “I mean, I put six years into finding you, writing to you, trying to get you to come find me. Finally, you do, but it’s only after all the money’s gone? Why didn’t you tell me this? What, are you trying to milk me for my money?”

My head hurts. My eyes hurt. Everything hurts.

“No!” I say in a small voice. “I thought you wanted to be my dad again.”

“Did you even read the letters?” he demands. “You know I need money! Are you just trying to get back at me? Huh? Is that it? Has this whole week just been an act on your part?”

“An act on my part?” I ask, incredulous. I don’t even bother lying. “No. I just wanted to find my father again.”

“Well,” my father says, rolling his eyes and throwing his hands up in the air. “Are you happy now? You’ve found your father!”

I stare at him long and hard for a moment. It feels like there’s a giant void inside me. I’m stunned, shocked, devastated. I say the only thing I can think of. “No, I didn’t find my father.”

My father snorts. “What are you talking about?” he asks. “I’m your father.”

“No, you’re not,” I say sadly. “I’ve made a mistake. I’m pretty sure that the father I thought I remembered never existed in the first place.”

Chapter 21

Falling quickly into the night.
Wishing on a shooting star.
I don’t always believe
In wishes coming true.
But somehow, baby, we’ve come this far.

—“FALLING STAR,” STAR BECK
ALBUM: POP STAR

Chapter 21