BooksBarbecue
Back When We Were Friends
Chapters (52)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. Dedication
  4. About the Author
  5. 31
  6. 14
  7. 31
  8. 14
  9. 31
  10. 14
  11. 31
  12. 14
  13. 31
  14. 15
  15. 31
  16. 16
  17. 32
  18. 16
  19. 32
  20. 17
  21. 32
  22. 17
  23. 32
  24. 17
  25. 32
  26. 17
  27. 32
  28. 18
  29. 32
  30. 18
  31. 32
  32. 18
  33. 32
  34. 18
  35. 32
  36. 18
  37. 32
  38. 18
  39. 32
  40. 18
  41. 32
  42. 18
  43. 32
  44. 18
  45. 32
  46. 32
  47. 33
  48. 33
  49. 33
  50. Acknowledgments
  51. Discussion Questions
  52. Booklist

To: [email protected]

Subject: You remembered!!

Dear Fern,

Sorry, that’s a weirdly formal way of starting an email, isn’t it? I have to say I’m a bit overwhelmed after seeing you ON THE NEWS with this amazing project you’ve started. It’s amazing. You are amazing. You’ve always been amazing, but this is super amazing. I can’t believe my stupid note has inspired something so huge. And it means so much to me that you’ve been thinking about me too. Honestly, Fern, my fingers are shaking as I type this email. I really hope it’s OK that I’ve got in touch and not read too much into this. I’m scared I’m just desperate and lonely and miss you. Firstly, I really need to say how sorry I am for what happened. For all of it. I don’t know why I do the things I do. I think I need to figure it out though because, the truth is, I’m so unhappy, Fern, and losing your friendship is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. I actually live in America now. Can you believe it? I’ve married this man and we’ve even had a daughter together but nothing feels right. I feel so alone over here. And I thought I was so in love, but my husband is being weird and off, and I don’t have any friends and...fucking hell...sorry... I don’t know why I’m typing any of this. You must think I’m crazy! Honestly, I’ve never had anyone I can talk to, truly talk to, since we fell out, and just feeling able to email you is unleashing all this stuff. I really hope it’s OK that I’ve emailed. How are you? Things look like they’re really crazy right now, but I pray so much that you’re happy. You’ve always wanted to be a writer and now your blog post is EVERYWHERE and it means the world to see you doing all this. Please do write back if you get the chance. I can imagine you’re swamped right now, but I’m happy to wait. Hearing back from you is MY reason to hold on for tomorrow.

So much still needs to be said, I know. But the only words I have right now is I love you and I’m sorry.

Jessica xxxx

Voicenote: So, hey, OK. I’ll stop after this, I promise. I just...well...messages always sound so shit, don’t they? It doesn’t feel right saying how sorry I am over a message. But I really am sorry, Jessica. For so much that I don’t even know where to start. I just read the email you sent me all those years ago and God... I can’t believe I didn’t see it. If only I’d seen it... I really am so sorry. I’m not trying to make excuses, but, I’ve been thinking so much about us growing up and what we went through, and I think we were all messed up by it more than I thought. Anyway, again, I’m sorry. I am fucked-up. I see it. I should’ve said sorry. I should’ve been a better friend. Back then, and now. You were right...you weren’t to blame, and I’m sorry. It’s so weird walking around Victoria Park. It’s been months now, and I keep wondering if I’m going to bump into you and wish we were just friends again. But better friends. Free from all the shit we’ve been carrying. But yeah, I can’t make you forgive me, and I don’t want to pester you. But... I’m sorry. What I said, was terrible. I hope you and Bridget are OK. I wish you every single happiness. I’ll stop now... Thanks for listening to this.