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Back When the Stars Go Dark Save as PDF
Chapters (83)
  1. Epigraph
  2. Maps
  3. (prologue)
  4. Part 1: Signs and Vapors
  5. (one)
  6. (two)
  7. (three)
  8. (four)
  9. (five)
  10. (six)
  11. (seven)
  12. (eight)
  13. (nine)
  14. (ten)
  15. (eleven)
  16. (twelve)
  17. Part 2: Secret Things
  18. (thirteen)
  19. (fourteen)
  20. (fifteen)
  21. (sixteen)
  22. (seventeen)
  23. (eighteen)
  24. (nineteen)
  25. (twenty)
  26. (twenty-one)
  27. (twenty-two)
  28. (twenty-three)
  29. (twenty-four)
  30. (twenty-five)
  31. (twenty-six)
  32. (twenty-seven)
  33. (twenty-eight)
  34. (twenty-nine)
  35. (thirty)
  36. (thirty-one)
  37. (thirty-two)
  38. (thirty-three)
  39. (thirty-four)
  40. (thirty-five)
  41. (thirty-six)
  42. (thirty-seven)
  43. (thirty-eight)
  44. (thirty-nine)
  45. Part 3: Time and the Maiden
  46. (forty)
  47. (forty-one)
  48. (forty-two)
  49. (forty-three)
  50. (forty-four)
  51. (forty-five)
  52. (forty-six)
  53. (forty-seven)
  54. (forty-eight)
  55. (forty-nine)
  56. (fifty)
  57. (fifty-one)
  58. (fifty-two)
  59. (fifty-three)
  60. Part 4: The Bent Grove
  61. (fifty-four)
  62. (fifty-five)
  63. (fifty-six)
  64. (fifty-seven)
  65. (fifty-eight)
  66. (fifty-nine)
  67. (sixty)
  68. (sixty-one)
  69. (sixty-two)
  70. (sixty-three)
  71. (sixty-four)
  72. (sixty-five)
  73. (sixty-six)
  74. (sixty-seven)
  75. (sixty-eight)
  76. (sixty-nine)
  77. (seventy)
  78. Dedication
  79. (acknowledgments)
  80. (author’s note)
  81. BY PAULA MCLAIN
  82. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  83. What’s next onyour reading list?

The firelight has drawn shadows around his mouth and eyes. He looks years older than he did only weeks ago. “We can still get to her on time, though, can’t we? It’s not impossible.”

“Not impossible, no.” But so unlikely.

—

It’s almost midnight when Will leaves. From her place by the fire, Cricket stretches with a groan and stands up. Let’s go to bed, she’s clearly saying, but how can I even try to sleep when everything feels so nebulous and grim? Even though the fire is mostly spent and the light is patchy, I stare at the two photos, Cameron in the krummholz grove and Shannan in the rabbit-fur jacket, trying to step back and see them objectively, one of Hap’s old tricks, avoiding the blind spot, the place where being too close hides what matters most.

I know Cameron was modeling for Gray that day in the grove, but still don’t know why for sure. What she’d planned to do with the photos from that shoot, or whom she was trying to impress with those clothes and that hairstyle, the look in her eyes. As for Shannan, I haven’t seen any other images of her except the ones Karen showed me in Gualala, from when she was young. Her expression in this one is shrewd and cynical, her brown eyes narrowed in some sort of challenge, her mouth set, lips closed. No smile. No invitation or openness. If Cameron was trying to feel seen for the first time, Shannan had been seen far too much, had been used for her looks and also traded on them herself for a long time, way too long to feel anything good could still come of it. It’s almost ironic to look at the girls side by side this way. Factoring in face shape and hair and body type, they’re more alike than not—and yet their relationship to hope, to possibility, is stark in contrast. Black and white, as Will has been saying from the beginning, two sides of a tossed coin that won’t quite land.

—

At some point, I give up, the fire burned down to a low red smear. The dog curls next to me, warm and steady, doing her work, which is just to be here, by my side. I still don’t understand how I deserve her, or how she’s come to me, but I’m grateful anyway, for her body, her even heartbeat. Especially now as the night moves in, pressing heavily.