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Back When the Stars Go Dark Save as PDF
Chapters (83)
  1. Epigraph
  2. Maps
  3. (prologue)
  4. Part 1: Signs and Vapors
  5. (one)
  6. (two)
  7. (three)
  8. (four)
  9. (five)
  10. (six)
  11. (seven)
  12. (eight)
  13. (nine)
  14. (ten)
  15. (eleven)
  16. (twelve)
  17. Part 2: Secret Things
  18. (thirteen)
  19. (fourteen)
  20. (fifteen)
  21. (sixteen)
  22. (seventeen)
  23. (eighteen)
  24. (nineteen)
  25. (twenty)
  26. (twenty-one)
  27. (twenty-two)
  28. (twenty-three)
  29. (twenty-four)
  30. (twenty-five)
  31. (twenty-six)
  32. (twenty-seven)
  33. (twenty-eight)
  34. (twenty-nine)
  35. (thirty)
  36. (thirty-one)
  37. (thirty-two)
  38. (thirty-three)
  39. (thirty-four)
  40. (thirty-five)
  41. (thirty-six)
  42. (thirty-seven)
  43. (thirty-eight)
  44. (thirty-nine)
  45. Part 3: Time and the Maiden
  46. (forty)
  47. (forty-one)
  48. (forty-two)
  49. (forty-three)
  50. (forty-four)
  51. (forty-five)
  52. (forty-six)
  53. (forty-seven)
  54. (forty-eight)
  55. (forty-nine)
  56. (fifty)
  57. (fifty-one)
  58. (fifty-two)
  59. (fifty-three)
  60. Part 4: The Bent Grove
  61. (fifty-four)
  62. (fifty-five)
  63. (fifty-six)
  64. (fifty-seven)
  65. (fifty-eight)
  66. (fifty-nine)
  67. (sixty)
  68. (sixty-one)
  69. (sixty-two)
  70. (sixty-three)
  71. (sixty-four)
  72. (sixty-five)
  73. (sixty-six)
  74. (sixty-seven)
  75. (sixty-eight)
  76. (sixty-nine)
  77. (seventy)
  78. Dedication
  79. (acknowledgments)
  80. (author’s note)
  81. BY PAULA MCLAIN
  82. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  83. What’s next onyour reading list?

“We’ve still got a few more minutes. Where’s Shannan’s dad? Has he ever been involved?”

“That piece of crap?” Her lip curls. “He took off when she was still in preschool. Haven’t gotten a dime from him since.”

“It’s hard to be a single parent.”

She flicks her eyes over me, seeming to wonder if I’m being straight with her, if I have some ulterior motive. “Yeah, it is.”

“Was it always just the two of you?”

“On and off. I’ve had boyfriends over the years. Probably not the best thing to have around a kid.”

“Boyfriends in general, or these particular guys?”

She gives me a barbed look. “Meaning what? You questioning my choice in men?”

“I don’t know your life.”

She looks at the wall, a swirling pattern of gold Formica. Harvest gold, from the 1970s, when everything was either gold or avocado green. “Well, I can tell you I probably didn’t make totally great decisions all the time. I mean, who does, right?”

Unfortunately she’s right. Not for everyone, but for many of us. “Do you have a picture of Shannan?”

“Nothing recent.” She puts down her cigarette and digs through her pocketbook, fishing out one of those little photo keepers that sometimes come with a wallet. The plastic sleeve is yellowed and dog-eared but filled—all school pictures with cloudy blue backgrounds, Shannan as a gap-toothed five- or six-year-old leading the parade.

I take the book from her and flip through it feeling more and more saddened. Maybe the girl was trouble, but she didn’t start out that way. Wasn’t born trouble, but sweet, pure, original—like anyone. “She’s really pretty,” I say. “What did she want to do with her life? When she was little, I mean. Any big fantasies?”

“Does Disney princess count?” Karen’s mouth tightens, deepening the feathered creases on her upper lip. Then she says, “She did have the shiniest hair. I used to fix it for her in a fishtail braid down her back. That’s not easy to do. It takes at least an hour, but she’d sit real still and not move.”

I meet her eyes, trying not to blink or break the moment. It’s the most unguarded she’s been with me, the most human. “I’ll bet she looked really beautiful.”

“Yeah, she did. Beautiful wasn’t the problem.”

(forty-six)