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Back When the Stars Go Dark Save as PDF
Chapters (83)
  1. Epigraph
  2. Maps
  3. (prologue)
  4. Part 1: Signs and Vapors
  5. (one)
  6. (two)
  7. (three)
  8. (four)
  9. (five)
  10. (six)
  11. (seven)
  12. (eight)
  13. (nine)
  14. (ten)
  15. (eleven)
  16. (twelve)
  17. Part 2: Secret Things
  18. (thirteen)
  19. (fourteen)
  20. (fifteen)
  21. (sixteen)
  22. (seventeen)
  23. (eighteen)
  24. (nineteen)
  25. (twenty)
  26. (twenty-one)
  27. (twenty-two)
  28. (twenty-three)
  29. (twenty-four)
  30. (twenty-five)
  31. (twenty-six)
  32. (twenty-seven)
  33. (twenty-eight)
  34. (twenty-nine)
  35. (thirty)
  36. (thirty-one)
  37. (thirty-two)
  38. (thirty-three)
  39. (thirty-four)
  40. (thirty-five)
  41. (thirty-six)
  42. (thirty-seven)
  43. (thirty-eight)
  44. (thirty-nine)
  45. Part 3: Time and the Maiden
  46. (forty)
  47. (forty-one)
  48. (forty-two)
  49. (forty-three)
  50. (forty-four)
  51. (forty-five)
  52. (forty-six)
  53. (forty-seven)
  54. (forty-eight)
  55. (forty-nine)
  56. (fifty)
  57. (fifty-one)
  58. (fifty-two)
  59. (fifty-three)
  60. Part 4: The Bent Grove
  61. (fifty-four)
  62. (fifty-five)
  63. (fifty-six)
  64. (fifty-seven)
  65. (fifty-eight)
  66. (fifty-nine)
  67. (sixty)
  68. (sixty-one)
  69. (sixty-two)
  70. (sixty-three)
  71. (sixty-four)
  72. (sixty-five)
  73. (sixty-six)
  74. (sixty-seven)
  75. (sixty-eight)
  76. (sixty-nine)
  77. (seventy)
  78. Dedication
  79. (acknowledgments)
  80. (author’s note)
  81. BY PAULA MCLAIN
  82. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  83. What’s next onyour reading list?

I nod, encouraging him. “That would make sense, wouldn’t it?”

There’s a creak as Di Anne shifts in her chair. I can see from her expression that Gray hasn’t told her anything about Cameron’s situation at home or her abuse, but she doesn’t pull back or away. Maybe she’s intuited the darkness Cameron carries.

“Dreams can tell us a lot of things,” I go on. “They’re a kind of map of the inner life. Sometimes thinking of who we might someday be is the only way we can get through the reality of who we actually are.”

Di Anne’s look is soft. “Like not quite fitting in in a small town where no one looks or thinks like you, honey.”

I can’t help but admire her. She’s a single parent. Gray has never mentioned his dad, but Di Anne seems to be doing okay on her own, at least in one way. She’s trying to meet her son where he is, accepting him as he finds his way, loving him.

“I guess so,” Gray answers quietly.

“Dreaming is brave,” I say. “Sometimes it’s all we have.”

—

A short while later I’m out at Jug Handle, hoping to find even a fragment of the answers I need in the krummholz grove. Hiking in, Cricket rushes ahead of me as if she’s long known the way, through the break in the trees with her nose to the ground, already getting down to business. Morning sun comes through the canopy in spears. Light catches dozens of spiderwebs, turning them into diamonds. Some are the size of maple leaves. Others are tiny and pearled with dew, like fairy hammocks or swings. It’s the kind of place that can make you believe almost anything: that whole civilizations can live under mushroom caps; that the usual laws have never fully landed here, or mattered.

While Cricket explores, nudging under low, tortured branches, I do my own slow reconnaissance of the area. Way too much time has passed for physical clues to be likely, but I’m searching for something deeper and more subtle—something I might not see as much as feel. My eyes flick from branch to branch. Was it here Cameron stood that day? Or here? And when she looked out, her best friend behind the lens, what did she want? Who came along to trigger her hope? And how did he reach her in the first place?