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Back When the Stars Go Dark Save as PDF
Chapters (83)
  1. Epigraph
  2. Maps
  3. (prologue)
  4. Part 1: Signs and Vapors
  5. (one)
  6. (two)
  7. (three)
  8. (four)
  9. (five)
  10. (six)
  11. (seven)
  12. (eight)
  13. (nine)
  14. (ten)
  15. (eleven)
  16. (twelve)
  17. Part 2: Secret Things
  18. (thirteen)
  19. (fourteen)
  20. (fifteen)
  21. (sixteen)
  22. (seventeen)
  23. (eighteen)
  24. (nineteen)
  25. (twenty)
  26. (twenty-one)
  27. (twenty-two)
  28. (twenty-three)
  29. (twenty-four)
  30. (twenty-five)
  31. (twenty-six)
  32. (twenty-seven)
  33. (twenty-eight)
  34. (twenty-nine)
  35. (thirty)
  36. (thirty-one)
  37. (thirty-two)
  38. (thirty-three)
  39. (thirty-four)
  40. (thirty-five)
  41. (thirty-six)
  42. (thirty-seven)
  43. (thirty-eight)
  44. (thirty-nine)
  45. Part 3: Time and the Maiden
  46. (forty)
  47. (forty-one)
  48. (forty-two)
  49. (forty-three)
  50. (forty-four)
  51. (forty-five)
  52. (forty-six)
  53. (forty-seven)
  54. (forty-eight)
  55. (forty-nine)
  56. (fifty)
  57. (fifty-one)
  58. (fifty-two)
  59. (fifty-three)
  60. Part 4: The Bent Grove
  61. (fifty-four)
  62. (fifty-five)
  63. (fifty-six)
  64. (fifty-seven)
  65. (fifty-eight)
  66. (fifty-nine)
  67. (sixty)
  68. (sixty-one)
  69. (sixty-two)
  70. (sixty-three)
  71. (sixty-four)
  72. (sixty-five)
  73. (sixty-six)
  74. (sixty-seven)
  75. (sixty-eight)
  76. (sixty-nine)
  77. (seventy)
  78. Dedication
  79. (acknowledgments)
  80. (author’s note)
  81. BY PAULA MCLAIN
  82. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  83. What’s next onyour reading list?

Inside, Catholic Family Charities has the feel of a government building and houses fewer nuns than I expected. Mostly I pass drably dressed clerks in polyester skirt sets and flat shoes, and lots and lots of filing cabinets. Once I find my way upstairs, I talk to a secretary who pushes me through to another, and finally to the cramped office of the on-staff attorney, a pantsuited woman with a helmet of inky-black hair who asks only a few questions before handing over a copy of the file and asking for my signature. The flat look on her face tells me she’s overworked and underpaid. Cameron means nothing to her, and how could she? The metal cabinets behind her are full of cases, each file a complex story, a life. I thank her and head back to the bank of tired elevators in the hall. And then it hits me that I now have Cameron’s documents all to myself. It’s as if I’ve robbed a bank.

I push the button for the first floor and step inside alone, almost dizzy with the instant privacy, the anticipation. As soon as the door closes, sealing me off from everything else, I open the file and notice Cameron’s childhood address. Ukiah. Emily and Troy were living in Malibu when they adopted Cameron. In 1989, four years ago, when their daughter was eleven, they moved to Mendocino, to the glass house on the bluff. And if you drew a line from that bluff almost straight east over the coastal range, Ukiah was just thirty miles away. With a closed adoption, neither family would have had any idea. But some force had pulled them close anyway. Thirty miles between Cameron’s before and after lives? It was crazy. It was fate, Eden might have said.

Stepping out into the main lobby, I spot a pay phone and pause in front of it, digging for quarters to call Will. But then I stop. I have the names and address of Cameron’s birth parents right here in my hands. I’m close—so close—to learning more about her early life. Maybe a key piece to the puzzle of her disappearance is nearby, too, with her first family.

For a long moment, I feel myself teetering on the brink of something, pulled in two directions. Will would want to be involved in the interview, but part of me doesn’t want him there. Doesn’t want to share, or wait for him to join me, or to have to jump through hoops of any kind. I don’t even want to ask for his permission. Going alone is a maverick, shortsighted move. What if I miss something? What if I screw it all up?