‘I – I’ll explain when they get here.’ If she got here. I’d taken her long silence, the request for my address, as agreement, but I wasn’t at all sure. ‘Benj, let me past.’ I lugged my case into the hallway, catching sight as I did of the mess in his room. I knew what she would think. She wouldn’t say anything, but that didn’t matter. ‘For God’s sake, can you tidy up? Is it too much to ask that you keep your own room clean!’ I saw him flinch again, and remembered it. Remembered that a rain of criticism, of shouting, can feel like blows as a child. ‘Oh come on, let’s just get these out of sight.’ I dashed into his room and started picking up Lego and Minecraft toys, lifting the lid of his chest-shaped toy-box to chuck them in. Something was in there – a flash of red. A whiff of smoke.

‘Mum—’

‘What is this?’ But I knew what it was. I recognised the bright colour. I’d finally found Mike’s missing jumper. My heart began to race. What did this mean? ‘Benji, where did you get this?’

He squirmed. ‘Don’t know.’

‘Tell me!’ My voice cracked like a whip.

‘It was in the rubbish pile. Mummy, I’m sorry! I didn’t want Dad to get in trouble so I – put it here.’

Benji’s head hung, the picture of guilt, but I didn’t have time to take it in, because there was a sharp rap at the door, and Cassie was running to answer, the one time I would have wanted her to be lazy and inattentive. ‘Mu-UM!’ Confusion in her voice. The sound of another low one, which struck me to my core.

I hissed to Benji, ‘We’ll talk about this later. Go down.’

I shut the toy-box and steered him in front of me like a human shield, and when we rounded into the kitchen there she was, with one small bag at her feet. She looked old, her clothes cheap and unfashionable, bought in Tesco or Asda no doubt. My heart ached to see her, to feel all the things her face made me feel. But like it or not, I needed her here.

‘Cassie, Benji – you remember your grandma. Mum. Thank you for coming.’

The kids gaped at me. We did not hug, my mother and I. I think both of us knew that the two foot of kitchen between us was an insurmountable distance to cross.