‘I was pretty drunk.’ I’d been drifting quite happily around the ball, chatting to people, for several hours, until all of a sudden I realised I had lost both Mike and Karen. Karen was much drunker than me, downing shots with the rugby team, a glitter in her eye that I’d come to worry about. It was late, around three maybe, and the fuzzy lamplit joy of the night was suddenly starting to seem muddied. I began to notice the puddles of beer on the floor, the dirty footprints trodden through it, the grass and ketchup stains on people’s ballgowns and shirts, their piggy, tired eyes. ‘I don’t know where Mike was. Maybe with Karen.’

‘I’d just been with Karen. She was – upset. Crying.’ Bill’s tone hid something. I couldn’t tell what. So, as she’d said, Mike had not been with her all night.

‘Did you see her? Martha?’

‘Sure. She was so beautiful that night, remember?’

I did. I could picture her on the lawn in her white silk dress, with her fair hair gleaming. We all knew her relationship was over, but she seemed undaunted, brighter than ever. And the boys did not fail to notice that.

‘Mike always said he found her pretty drunk, and took her into the Fellows’ Garden to sober up. He left her there.’ That’s what Mike had gasped in my ear a few hours later. I left her there, Ali, honest. I was just looking out for her. But if people saw me with her – Ali, shit, this could be the end of everything. And of course I’d believed him. I knew Mike wasn’t the perfect boyfriend – at that point I might even have believed he’d cheat on me, but not that he would have hurt anyone. ‘What you said to me that day . . .’ The memory made my skin tingle, and I forced myself to look at Bill, but he was still turned away, stirring. I watched the shift of his shoulder blades. How thin he still was, when the rest of us were padded by middle age already. Suddenly, I wanted to put my hand on his back, along the lines of his ribs. My eye was caught by the block of knives, which had one missing, of course – it was impounded in the police station somewhere, covered with Mike’s blood.

Bill shrugged. ‘It was a long time ago, Ali. I’m sure you had your reasons.’

‘I was trying to help him.’