“Hey, this is Victoria, I’ve been thinking about you.” She laughed and said, “I have a couple of role-playing ideas of my own now, if they don’t scare you away. But anyway, I miss you, and I’m here for you. Whatever you need, just think of me. Okay? Call me. ’Bye.”

I sat there and listened to her message three times. I really wondered if black women realized the seductive appeal of a white woman. The illusion was so sweet that it was hypnotic in a way. All you had to do was find a white girl who liked you, and they would take it from there.

Whatever you need, just think of me.

Wow! She meant that shit, too. It was hard to turn down. Even when you did turn a white girl down, you would still think about her. She was the get-away-from-it-all girl. They represented peace from the struggle. I just didn’t know how much peace I wanted in my life. I guess I was used to at least a little bit of turbulence. I didn’t know if I would still feel alive with a white girl. It seemed like you were a living zombie once you went over there. You had food with no taste to it; no spices, no special recipes, but plenty of dessert. Everything was just too cool for comfort.

Anyway, Victoria would be missed.

I listened to a few other phone calls from women who I hadn’t dealt with in a while, who were just calling me up on a whim. And there was a call from Michelle out in San Francisco again.

“Terrance, I really hate to bother you like this, but we really need to talk about something. So please call me when you get a chance. It’s Michelle again.”

She sounded patient, determined, and urgent, but with tact. She didn’t want to alarm me with the nature of her phone call, but there was obviously something on her plate that wasn’t going to go away.

By that time, it was close to two in the morning, and I was still wide awake. It would be close to eleven in San Francisco. I figured a grown woman would still be up to accept phone calls before eleven. Especially if it was urgent, so I went ahead and called her back.

“Hello,” she answered.

“This is Terrance calling you back,” I told her. I wanted to sound as calm and reserved as she had sounded in her messages to me.

“Oh, hi,” she responded. It seemed as if I had caught her off-guard.

“Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“No, I just…Well, how have you been? Still busy modeling?”

We were headed for the small talk before we got to the beef.

I said, “Yeah, I’m still modeling. And I’m still a good-looking man,” I joked. Even if I was cutting back on my activities with women, I still wanted to sound like myself in a first phone call in years with her.