I didn’t want to look back over at Victoria and her friend after that. I knew they saw everything, but how would they respond to it? Nevertheless, I had to make that journey back over to them. They were still waiting.

As soon as I approached them, Victoria attempted to let me off the hook.

“Look, ah, Terrance, I can see that you have a lot going on right now. So if you’re not able to, you know, introduce us and show us around, I mean, I understand. I don’t want to be a hindrance to you in any way where I’m just, you know, cramping your style or anything.”

I was fine with it up until that point. The whole “cramping your style” line made me laugh. It also made me curious as to what she thought my style was.

I joked with her and repeated it, “Cramping my style, huh?”

She giggled. “I don’t know, I just don’t want to be a drag on your night.”

I immediately began to wonder what Victoria’s position would be on a more private party. All she could do is say she wasn’t interested.

I asked her, “So what would you say if I wanted to leave here altogether?”

She looked confused by the question. “What, you’re tired already?”

That was totally the wrong answer. That’s why I didn’t really deal with white women. They were going left and I was going right more than half of the time.

I said, “I’m tired of being pulled in a million directions by all of these different people, but I’m not ready to call it a night and crash or anything. I’m just ready to get out of here.”

I could tell she wasn’t ready to leave. She looked fully energized, and she had her friend behind her.

“Well, when are you gonna be back in Chicago?” she asked me.

Why? I was tempted to ask her. But there was no sense to it. She was a girl trying to find her way into the modeling, fashion, and acting industry, and I just wasn’t the man to help her meet her goals.

I shook my head and had to level with her, because the charades were not going anywhere.

“Look, I’m sorry, but real life just isn’t as simple as we all would like it to be. Now I know I promised you I would introduce you to some folks, but like you’ve already said, my head’s really not into that right now. But at the end of the night, I’m still gonna want some company.”

I stopped the conversation right there. I had said more than enough already. She got the point.

She nodded and said, “I understand. No hard feelings. So…I guess I’ll just see you around then.”

I felt terrible in a lot of ways. I had sent women away before to do something else, or someone else, as the case may be. But this white girl had me feeling overly guilty about it. That didn’t settle well with me at all. Why was I giving her special treatment? I had to shake it off and do me.