Caleb is going to be an unbelievable big brother, and you, my beautiful, amazing wife, are everything I need to believe I can do this. Two kids seems like a crazy idea, but when I look at you, I want sixteen more because they are all a part of you. I’m watching you sleep, and I can’t stop thinking how incredible my life is all because one day I was avoiding my public speaking class and hiding in the library. I want to remember this moment forever, and since you’re asleep and I want to share it with you, I’m writing it all down. Thank you for being you, the mother you are, and the woman who loves me. But most of all, thank you for being a book nerd.

Love you till the very end,

Jax

Gretchen dropped the letter like its edges had sliced her. She backed away from the bed and took calming breaths. How did she not remember? Her stomach turned and she fought against rising bile. What had happened with the baby, and why hadn’t Jax told her? She remembered the blankets and empty photo albums Amanda found in the attic. Her head felt like it was spinning.

“Calm down,” she said aloud, hoping to engage all her senses in trying to remain calm. Her nose started to run from the tears prickling her eyes. “You need to calm down right now.” She flexed her toes into the carpet and took another deep breath. “You’re okay. This is something that happened to you, and you survived. It is sad and it is devastating.” The rational facts ended there. She turned and looked at herself in the mirror. “No wonder Jax stopped loving you.”

Feeling herself start to spiral, she started to open the rest of the letters frantically, praying one would tell her more. Praying one would tell her Jax hadn’t left her because of that.

An hour later, she sat at the center of the bed, surrounded by folded and crinkled papers. What little makeup she had applied was now dried-up salty black trails that ran down her cheeks. She held one letter in her hand and lay back. She found no answers, no help, and not one word that made her feel better. She felt alone, abandoned, like she had let Jax down.

Gretchen was emotionally and physically drained, but her mind wouldn’t rest. She picked up her phone and dialed the only other person who had the answers she needed. She just prayed he’d be willing to talk to her about it.

“Hello?” Wyatt answered after one ring.

“You still sound scared when you answer the phone. I’m glad that hasn’t changed.”

His laugh sounded deeper over the phone. “How are you, Gretchen?”

Gretchen blew out a long breath, unsure of how to answer such a deceivingly complex question. “I’m not doing so great.”