I’m frozen for a moment, thinking about the infinite possibilities a new life brings with it. I’ve never asked them, of course, but I suddenly wonder if my parents regret having Penny. And do we wish she hadn’t had Ava? There are no answers to these questions. Maybe life goes in a thousand directions and we never know which, and regret is always wasted on things we had no control of to begin with.

“Ooof sorry,” I say. My stomach, which I’d thought was settled, flips over again, and I beeline for the toilet. When I’m finished retching, I come back to the bed and Gemma is smiling at me.

“Ugh. I’ve just had a terrible stomach bug all day.” I sense I’m not fooling her.

Gemma nods. “For what it’s worth, Liz. Whenever you decide to have kids, you’ll make a great mom.”

Before I can catch myself, I blurt out, “Do you think so?”

“I know so,” she says. “Now, come on, we don’t want to miss the party.”

Just like that, it’s our last night together and it’s bittersweet. Whatever I decide, I need to get in to see a doctor, and it really can’t happen here. I’d looked at flights that afternoon; already I have one foot out the door.

I find Gianluca in the television room at the back of the house, curled up on the couch, talking so closely to Sandra that their foreheads are almost touching. They both startle when I walk in, making everything look that much worse. I know this isn’t news you tell someone in the middle of a party, but I feel I can’t live with it another moment.

“Hi, Liz,” Sandra says. “G and I were just talking about you.” I look at him askance. “With Cali leaving, Anders needs a new partner,” Sandra adds. “And you’re so tall! And your tango is pretty good.”

Coming from her, this amounts to a compliment.

“Um, thanks.” The thing I’ve been wanting; right at the moment, I no longer want it. “Gianluca, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Off I go,” Sandra says, bouncing up and gliding out the door on her long, storky legs.

“Hey, Tiger,” G says, leaning over to kiss my cheek.

“You okay?” I ask. His face is wan, his eyes hooded.

“I’m sad about Cali. And Anders maybe now too, but I’m trying to convince him to stay.”

I nod. “Yeah. I’ll miss her too.”

“Just don’t you get any ideas.” He says this casually, and I realize how certain he is that he’s got me under his thumb. He gives me just enough line before pulling me back in each time, but he doesn’t think it will be enough for me to leave him until he decides.