I knew there were many people who thought the verdict was wrong, but of course, the outside world just moved forward while we were left forever in the blast zone. We’d had the option to try a civil case; the burden of proof was lower, and our lawyers told us we had a good shot. But to what end? We didn’t want damages, not that Penny had any money. We didn’t even really want her punished, even after everything. It was hard to pinpoint what justice even looked like; nothing could undo what had happened. And the idea of going through yet another trial felt unbearable. I just wanted Penny to get help, and I wanted her kept somewhere, safe from herself, away from children, and unable to procreate until she grew too old to have any more. I wanted her to accept and acknowledge what she’d done, to mourn with us, and ask our forgiveness so that we could give it to her. God, how I want to forgive her. I want to stop feeling like someone had blown a hole through the middle of my chest. I want to go back in time somehow to intervene. I want to stop feeling like Cassandra screaming into a void. I want to stop wanting the impossible.

“It is a consolation that you feel that way. That you believe me. That you know.”

“Thank you for trusting me,” she says. “I’m really glad we met.”

“Yeah,” I say, letting my head fall onto her shoulder as she puts her arm around me. “Me too. So the funny part is . . .” I continue, because for Christ’s sake, if I’m going to tell her all of this, why would I not tell her everything? “This was not the bombshell I had in mind to share with you on this trip.”

Cali cocks her head at me. “There’s more?”

“Yes. I don’t know. Maybe.” I try to smile, but I suddenly start shaking. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I say. “This is all too much and you’ve been so good about everything. I just . . . never mind.”

“Liz, oh my god, you’re freaking me out. What?”

“I think I might be . . . that is, I haven’t had my period in a while.”

Cali’s eyes get wide. “Have you taken a pregnancy test?”

I shake my head. The idea of going into a pharmacy alone and trying to explain, in Spanish, that I need a pregnancy test is too overwhelming to bear. But once the words are out of my mouth, it all just seems too ridiculous to be true. Besides which, I realize I’m feeling a familiar cramping, a distinct edginess. I must be just about to get my period.

“Well, that seems like a good first step,” Cali says.

“I’m so nervous. I mean, I’m sure I’m not though, right?”