Even the fact that I’ve been completely alone for three years.

☽

Ashley stretched as she left the court office. The Patrol guard cleared his throat.

She didn’t stop stretching at the throat clearing.

The court office was in recess. People stood, stretched, and headed in the direction of the vending machines.

“That could have gone better,” Tristan said. “Rain got an easier set of proctors.”

“I didn’t expect to get it easy,” Ashley said.

Kenzie was fidgeting, distressed. Ashley put a hand on Kenzie’s shoulder, and her little friend looked up at her with a smile. The fidgeting stopped.

That fidgeting would be because of the video. Kenzie would want it to be shown and be anxious about it being shown at the same time. The group wouldn’t like it if the video came out, Kenzie would be dreading both the idea of the video coming out and the video not coming out.

“I don’t think they were being fair,” Sveta said. “You weren’t uncooperative.”

“She wasn’t,” Victoria said. “I’m really hoping they’re open to giving us a chance to talk at the end. I want to hammer that in. I had a letter from Gilpatrick, but they haven’t mentioned it.”

Ashley didn’t think it was fair either, but she kept it to herself. Going down that line of thinking was the kind of thing that set herself off.

Tristan added, “I took my letter for Ashley in after Rain’s tribunal, handed it to the one guy who looks like a mortician. He was pretty dismissive.”

“Could it have been process? Not wanting to seem biased?” Sveta asked, almost hopefully.

“No excuse to be rude,” Tristan said.

“Maybe he didn’t like your face,” Chris said.

“Then they have no taste,” Kenzie said. “I think Tristan and Byron have very nice faces.”

“I’m really not sure how to take that,” Tristan said.

“Is there a process, if this tribunal doesn’t handle things appropriately?” Sveta asked. “Higher court we can go to?”

“No,” Victoria said. “The purpose of this is to handle stuff without getting tied up in more complicated procedures. Weeding out the obvious cases before it gets put in front of the proper court.”

“There should be some process. Some emergency go-to,” Sveta said.

Ashley felt agitation creep over her. It was fear and conviction with an energy to it, and the anxiety, impulses, and restlessness could in of themselves generate more anxiety, impulse, restlessness and energy.

Left to run rampant, these feelings and experiences that multiplied themselves would grow in ways that formed constructions and ideas, like how a cloud could resemble a face or a dog.

Some of the therapy she’d had helped her to recognize it for what it was. Actually dealing with it was the harder thing.