The door had been left open, at my dad’s insistence. One foot tucked under me, I’d snuck my one foot across the bed until I could touch Dean’s knee, trace my toe along his leg. Seeing if I could break his focus enough to make him mess up while reading aloud.

No, wait, that had been a few days after Dean had reminded me of the brute rule. I’d been studying it with more interest because Dean was turning eighteen before long, and we were worried he’d get moved to another city, even with his family situation being what it was. I’d seriously been considering joining the Wards and then the Protectorate, so I could follow him.

But I’d told my stuffed lion that he needed to remind Dean that brutes like me had a way of making you deal with them. They could only be ignored for so long.

Normally clever Dean had been at a loss for words. He’d grabbed my toe and squeezed it. I’d wiggled it in his hand. We’d been familiar enough with each other that the silence that followed didn’t feel bad. Awkward in a good way, even.

He’d, after a long pause, found the clever thing to say, but he’d stumbled his way through it. It would be my pleasure. Pause. To deal with you.

It hadn’t been long after that that we’d had our first night together. It had taken two days of desperate attempts at coordinating schedules and patrols, for me to get out without family wanting to join me, for Dean to avoid the ‘sidekick’ situation and go out in costume without a Protectorate member joining him.

My heart hurt, thinking of Dean. My knight in shining armor.

Still, I smiled as I remembered some of the emails we’d exchanged, my hands resting on the metal I’d used to lock the door. Dean, ever the gentleman, had wanted to negotiate and check everything, from my comfort levels about X, Y, and Z to how my personal forcefield would factor into our time together.

I’d laughed at that, which had been the tip-off for Amy to realize something was up. She’d—

And I’d gone and done it. Let my guard down, tripped over the stumbling block, stepped on the emotional landmine. There was only the hurt, now, none of the mixed, warm feeling that came from thinking about Dean.

I pushed it all out of mind. It wasn’t the time for that anyway. I was prone to getting lost in thought, even though it sometimes felt like every path led to the same, regrettable destination.