“I don’t even know. I plan to keep a close eye on him, because I haven’t figured him out and he doesn’t seem like he wants to share any of himself, which makes me worry. I’ll see if I can figure out what to do.”

“Nudges and keeping an eye on things,” Mrs. Yamada said. “I think you’re on the right track. Step back if this is wearing on you.”

I shook my head. “Everything wears on me. Eating and sleeping wear on me. Stepping back wouldn’t do me any good. I’ll call your colleague. Do what I can.”

“Self care,” Jessica said. “Yes. Be kind to yourself, reach out for help if you need it. You have friends. Don’t lose sight of that.”

I looked over in Crystal’s direction. She waved the foil-wrapped sandwich in the air, as if baiting me. I found myself tempted, when I hadn’t even been hungry before. “Yeah. I just realized how ravenous I am. I feel like there are a hundred more things I should tell you that you need to know, but…”

“Not enough minutes in the day, even if and when I get more with a helpful someone’s power. I know. Go eat.”

I stepped back from the railing. “Sorry, I skipped breakfast and I tossed my lunch.”

“I’d have stern words for you, but I barely ate today either. Take care of yourself, Victoria.”

She hugged me.

“We’ll talk again soon,” she said, without breaking the hug.

I nodded.

I hadn’t worked out what I was doing in regard to Rain. A part of me had hoped for guidance. In the end, it had been better to give Mrs. Yamada the lay of the land. If she was suspicious, then my mention of outbursts, of backsliding, of stubbornness, confrontations or secrecy might have been the cue she needed to make a decision.

If she was okay with where things stood, then so was I. I would nudge, I would keep an eye out, and I would look after myself. I felt more peace than I had, having had the conversation.

“Bye,” I said, my voice not all there because I was a little choked up. I couldn’t wholly pin down why.

I broke the hug and went straight to my steaming barbecue chicken sandwich. Crystal too.

⊙

Shower off. Tangled mane transformed to wet combed locks, wet locks transformed to damp braid. Clothes on: sports bra on under sweater, sleeves rolled up around the wrists, red raw jeans, socks and sneakers. The clothes I’d hung up on the bathroom door had been effectively steamed while I was in the shower, and my hands smoothed out the wrinkles that had accumulated from my clothes being in my bag.

Self care, to have a shower with no disturbances or worries about bothering Crystal. To dress in things that felt right.