“I really don’t. If I could do anything else, I would. I’m aware of a lot of things that are worse than Peat and Fen,” Rain said.

“What happened to Peat and Fen is pretty fucking bad,” Sveta said. She turned to Erin. “You’re not responsible for what others did, but if you’re leaning on them for protection or strength, then that’s not okay. You can’t use that strength.”

“They have my family,” Erin said.

“And they don’t let you go,” Rain said. “It’s all… very complicated.”

Ashley returned to the group. Kenzie was still sitting in the grass, a distance away, her back to us.

When I looked, Ashley gestured. Telling me to stay.

Rain looked pretty battered. Dejected.

He met my eyes.

“There’s more to it,” Ashley said.

“Oh yeah,” Rain said.

“If you won’t say it, then I will,” Ashley said. “I’ll guess. You killed people.”

Rain went very still.

I could remember a similar look on my sister’s face.

He huffed out a breath, hands at his lap as he slouched back against the front of the sedan, sitting against the hood. He didn’t seem to know what to do with his hands.

“Yeah,” he finally said.

“Innocents,” she said.

“Kids,” Rain said. He looked in Kenzie’s direction. At Chris. Then he looked over his shoulder at Erin.

“Why?” Chris asked.

“I’ve been asking myself that a lot.”

“You maimed people,” Ashley said. Still on the offense.

“Long term injuries. Burns,” Rain said. “To people of all ages.”

“For fun?” Ashley asked.

“For respect, if anything. I don’t know,” Rain said. He looked back to Chris, since he was really answering his question. “Because a large part of me had only ever known the family, the lifestyle. All of the language—outsiders were… less. It was okay to hurt ten of them if you helped one of the family’s.”

“They had your whole childhood to work on you,” Erin said.

“Doesn’t excuse it,” Rain said.

“No. But it explains it,” she said.

“Your whole life?” I asked. My first time speaking in this conversation, maybe. I wasn’t sure—I was in a different mode.

“My parents were early adopters, mostly on the fringe. They got more into it as it grew. Renamed me early enough I don’t remember my original name. Rain O’Fire Frazier.”

“That’s terrible,” Chris said.

“Shush,” Sveta said.