The shedding of his monstrous form was as fast as the adoption of it had been. Feathers began to fall away. Pressed against him, I could feel him shrinking.

“I’ll get the immunity I need before she gets to me,” he said. “I’m not worried.”

“Do you know why I can do that?” I asked, quiet, a murmur in his ear. “The new tricks? The control?”

“I’m sure you’ll tell me.”

“I came to terms with the power, and where it comes from. The connections. That I’m worth love, even now, even from myself.”

“That is some Saturday-morning cartoon bullshit,” he said.

“It’s reality, Chris. You’ve been struggling, you’ve been inconsistent, fighting yourself every step of the way. Fighting the past version of you, the you of now. When you’re acting young you hate it because you’re not young. Not really. When you’re acting older, you hate it because it makes you like him. But every time you have the chance to make a move or blame someone, or make some sense of it… you turn on others, blame them, and throw up walls.”

“And you don’t?” he asked.

“Boundaries are great, Chris. They’re essential. This world can be fucked up. So… yeah, use whatever defense mechanisms you’ve got at your disposal. Some are better than others, but anything’s better than having none…”

I paused. For a second, I wondered if I was going to pass out. How much blood had I lost today? The pain I was experiencing with every heartbeat and every breath was incredible.

He didn’t butt in, didn’t retort.

I told him, my words as intense as I could make them, “…Except, once you’ve thrown up those boundaries, built four walls, impenetrable, so high nobody can surmount them… you’ve still got to be okay with yourself. I don’t think you are. I think you’re the furthest thing from being okay with yourself.”

“Get off me.”

I got off him. Flying back. The shift of pressures against my ribs made the darkness creep in around the edges for a moment.

“I think this Simurgh-driven future might not be so bad for the rest of us, but it’s going to be a kind of hell for you,” Rain said. “Worse than any fire and brimstone hell the Fallen preached at me about. Shitty thing is, even though you betrayed us twice now, I don’t want that for you. I’m having trouble letting go of you as a friend.”

“I let go of you as a friend a long time ago,” Chris said. “I’m walking out of this room. If you try to stop me, for any reason, I’ll make you regret it.”