“You’re kind of missing the point here,” I told her. “When everything depends on us finding a win, hurting ourselves should be the expectation. I know that’s shitty, but the stakes are too damn high.”

“Can I let go of your leg here?” Sveta asked. “Sorry, I can’t say this next bit while cradling your foot.”

We transferred my leg to the tabletop. I moved my coat over to form a pad so the table’s edge wasn’t digging into my calf.

“My personal anecdote is that I have spent every day of my life that I can remember, dream-memories excepted, dealing with the actions of people who acted on similar philosophies.”

“That’s not fair,” I said.

“It’s not. But they felt we were all obligated to make the sacrifices necessary to save the world. They made us make those sacrifices without telling us why, because our ignorance was better. Khepri did something very similar. She turned people into puppets and put them in Scion’s way.”

“I was one of those puppets.”

“So was I, Victoria. So was Tristan. So was Kenzie. We weren’t put directly in the way, but… we were pulled into it.”

“The difference between Cauldron and me is that I’m volunteering. I’m acknowledging the reality, I’m putting myself in the line of fire. I’m not going to twist anyone’s arm to ask them to do it. If any of you feel like you can’t do it, I won’t hold it against you.”

“You might,” Sveta said. “I know you. You’d make the judgment, but you wouldn’t act on it.”

I frowned.

“I would too,” she said. “I know you’d make that call for yourself and yourself alone. But… it’s not a huge leap to expecting others to.”

“It kind of is,” I said.

“Okay, fine, I’ll clarify. It’s not a huge leap from feeling that way to subconsciously acting on it. It’s the same kind of thinking to what motivated Cauldron, and it’s really disquieting to think my friend can get so close to being that kind of a…”

“Monster?” Natalie asked.

“I hate that word,” Sveta said.

“Sorry.”

“Not really the word I wanted,” Sveta said. “I don’t think you’re Cauldron, Victoria. I do think that Tristan’s right. We’re tired, and we might get through this next fight intact. We’re hurting, we’re burning out. Last night with the dream was hard enough. It wasn’t all that long ago that we stormed the Teacher base, and lost Ashley in the process.”