“I can’t believe you used the word cohort.”

“It’s a good word,” I said, smiling.

“It’s a good goal. Getting in next year?”

I nodded. I didn’t miss the faint pity that came with first half of what she’d said. How good it is that you have a goal, Victoria, you need a goal. It felt like I was being handled with kid gloves, and I hated it.

I knew I needed the kid gloves, but I hated it.

“I know this is shitty of me,” Crystal said. “But even though you’ve eaten already, do you mind taking a detour?”

“A long detour?” I asked. “To that restaurant you flew over?”

“Fast food place,” Crystal said, pressing her hands together.

“Absolutely,” I told her. “My curiosity is piqued.”

“Fly?” she asked, floating up a bit. One or two bystanders who hadn’t seen her arrival looked shocked.

Again, more attention, more feelings that all contradicted one another, and left me feeling like I was standing on the tracks as the train made its approach.

“Walk?” I asked. “It’s a nice day.”

She landed. “Okay.”

She didn’t ask why, and I wasn’t sure I could tell her if she did. It was an extension of why I was going out, why I wore clothes like my old ones, and why I faced the day. If I stayed inside I might not be able to go out again. If I changed up my wardrobe I might lose my last traces of myself.

If I flew, I might keep flying, because it was hard being down in the guts of the city, surrounded by its people.

Crystal linked her arm with mine, and I rolled my eyes, but I went with it. Compromises.

We walked through a sunny, brand-spanking-new city, half of it still seemingly in construction, with girders and beams and little connecting those things. Cranes seemed to stand up everywhere.

It was a long walk, which was a mercy in a way. The monotony made it easier to zone out, and to just take the day in without focusing in on the details, like people looking over, or the countless little things that made me think of Amy, meat, family, or hospital rooms.

When we arrived, there was a crowd in the place. A crowd on the benches outside the place.

“I’ll go in, if you’ll wait.”

“I’ll wait,” I told Crystal. “I don’t have anything to do.”

“Sorry again!” she raised her voice to say it as she went to find the tail of the line.

I hung back, leaning against a metal post that bounded the patio, providing some protection should a car go off the road.