“And I consider this a warning,” Amy retorted. “Your heart? Not your actual heart, but your feelings? The edges are blunted. The goodness in you is still there. But you’ve worked so hard you’ve hit the point you don’t always care. If I’m guessing right, you’re probably at the point where you can do the day-to-day stuff, but when that late night phone call comes and they ask for extra effort or a needy patient needs you extra, you resent them a little. Because you’ve given your all for weeks now, but maybe not once ever in your life has someone else given you their all. Or it’s one person, one sister.”

Jessica was silent.

“You felt obligated to check on the scary healer and you don’t have the energy or focus to really hear what she’s saying. You’re going to hit a point, couple of weeks, a month, where you come to resent the day-to-day work. And around that same time, support structures fall through. If they existed at all. You’ll hit your lowest point, and either you’re alone or the one person you counted on is preoccupied. Understandable, but it… it’ll still hurt.”

Jessica looked off to one side.

“I think you know I’m not wrong. I think you recognize you’re so close to that point that shaking the boat by reaching out for help might upset it. Um, as a colleague?”

Jessica met her eyes.

“Lighten the load. Go easy on yourself. It’s going to feel wrong, no matter what you decide to do, but I’m telling you right now, as someone who knows, the course you’re on right now is worse. You’re not a bad person. It’s because you’re a good person that you’ve brought yourself to this point. You’re one small crisis or weak moment away from hurting a patient or someone you care about, standing where I stand now, wishing the person you’d just talked to had listened to you.”

Jessica folded her arms. Amy remained where she was, facing the woman.

Lifting a hand from her elbow, Jessica rubbed at one eye. Wiping at moisture that threatened to well out.

She seemed to realize what she was doing, and dropped her hand. She nodded.

“Thank you,” Jessica said, her voice barely carrying.

“I will see you around, I suppose,” Amy said. She turned to go, so the woman didn’t have to be the one to walk away. Let her have her pride.

Amy didn’t feel the least bit like a good person, as she made her way to the front door, stepping outside into early fall weather, in a dark city that smelled like new wood, heavy machinery, and dust from construction.

⊙

Now