Amy tensed, fists balling up, tattoos tight around her bones. “I wasn’t me. I was fresh off of having my fingers eaten, my home destroyed, my life overturned. Bonesaw tried to break me. She tried to break Mark. I wasn’t me. Victoria wasn’t Victoria.”

Jessica didn’t interject.

“What we did together doesn’t count,” Amy’s words were more a plea than a statement. “Not when we weren’t ourselves.”

She really wanted Jessica to sympathize. Needed it.

When the woman didn’t say anything, Amy went on, asserting her voice, trying to sound confident, “It was my first kiss, with Paroxysm, and a few first other things, but that numbness, knowing it wasn’t what I really wanted? We broke it off about as amicably as you can, when you’re stuck in the same place. I saw a girl after Gold Morning, too, but that was… not fun. She was still mourning, I couldn’t help her through it.”

“Okay,” Jessica said. “I don’t want to lose sight of my suggestion from earlier. It doesn’t change that you and Victoria would be better off if you both tried to avoid each other.”

Amy could have hit something with the frustration she felt. “I’m getting back to that. Listen, I… I can’t be expected to spend the rest of my life alone.”

She felt so lonely, just saying that out loud, and she willed Jessica to see it. Her chest hurt with it, like physical pain.

“I don’t think anyone is expecting that of you,” Jessica said, her voice quiet.

“I’m being punished, but I’m a victim too.”

“If that were so, I’d still stand by my recommendation of striving to maintain the distance. You gain nothing by engaging with her.”

“My sister? My—not being alone anymore?” Amy asked. How did this woman not get this?

“You have your mother, your father, Marquis. You’re on speaking terms with Crystal. I know you have colleagues here. You’re taking initial steps toward figuring out the kind of relationship you want, and that will take time, and it will be hard, but that’s only natural. If you need help finding your way there, I have a colleague who would be willing to talk to you. He opened up one patient slot, he specialized in working with traumatized emergency service workers. Cops, paramedics, doctors, firefighters.”

Amy felt stung. “I’m not nuts. I’m not crazy.”

“You don’t have to be to talk to someone, and it sounds to me like you need to talk to someone.”

“I already am, I get mental fitness checkups with the Wardens, because I spend my time around Riley and people.”