“I don’t know. He has no interest in ruling the world, and I think he’d view it as a distraction or detriment.”

“Detriment?”

“Because powers don’t like stable. As you well know, look at me.”

The attempt at self depreciating humor fell flat, came across as mournful, self-pitying.

“I make mistakes, and my power makes it easy to make mistakes. All it takes is an impulse, or a drifting thought.”

“When you’re tired, when you’re upset. When—”

I couldn’t bring myself to say it. When you’re lonely.

“I’m always tired, I’m always upset. I’m always everything. The first time I felt like I was able to actually take a deep breath was when I went to the Birdcage. Away.”

I remained silent. Letting her talk.

“Stability is tricky and hard to maintain. It takes effort. Teacher could control everything but he’d be fighting against everyone else and even against himself and his power,” Amy said. “What he wants is bigger than that. And he’s getting there. Even with the tools he has, he’s too dangerous to fight. Because I can touch someone with powers and look at those powers… I was doing that with Hunter, trying to figure out how to rebuild her personality…”

She stopped there, almost like her train of thought was gone, or she’d lost herself in memories.

I waited.

“I look at that broken, fragile landscape and I see Teacher’s hand in too many places. With too many connections, too many networks, and a massive hole in another world that he’s elaborating on.”

“Okay,” I said.

“Does that count for anything? I could provide more details, but… does it matter?”

“What do you mean ‘count’?” I asked. “Is someone keeping score?”

“I’ve healed so many people, I’ve done so much, devoted months of my life to fixing things. I threw myself into things around Gold Morning. I played a big role, for better or for worse. I’ve always been on your side. And none of it matters.”

“It matters,” I said. “But it’s not like there’s a big scorecard where you reach fifty thousand points and you win the forgiveness of one unconscionable act. You don’t reach a certain point total and win the girl of your dreams automatically. It matters, but it’s fifty thousand things that matter on an individual basis.”

“I’m not saying I want to win you, Vicky. I’m just saying…”

“You want it to count. To count enough.”

She shook her head. “You’re not getting it.”

“If you heal thousands of people and you mutilate twelve or so, you’re a healer who mutilates people. You don’t give me an hour’s worth of abstract interpretations of the big picture and buy fifteen minutes of me being happy to spend more time with you.”

“That’s not what I’m asking for.”