It was cold, the path down to the prison area was the same slope and cliff edge that seemed to bring the cold air down while letting the warm air get lost. The path was lit by bulbs on sticks, the prison and the more distant Bunker itself illuminated more by lights on the outside than by anything on the inside. The spotlights and lamps caught drifting snowflakes and turned them into water droplets, which mottled the light.

“I don’t know what to say,” Jessica told me.

“You’re fine,” I responded. “It’s the nature of what we’re up against.”

“It doesn’t feel fine to me. It feels fine to you?”

“No.”

“I know it’s not an excuse, but for context, I did not handle being cast away very well. Sent to another dimension with some of my most difficult patients, knowing what was at stake, that I was abandoning my patients. I tried to do too much after coming back and I struggled—failed on multiple counts. I failed you.”

“Is it kind of messed up or unfair that I can remember you walking me through the process of how to go about an apology, when I wanted to address all the people I hurt as Glory Girl? And now it feels a bit bullet-pointy that you’re hitting all the usual notes? Acknowledge blame, get a response, promise to do better, yadda yadda?”

“It doesn’t mean the apology isn’t genuine. I really do mean it. Feeling some resentment is entirely fair.”

“No, it’s just—” I started, stopped. “I don’t know what I can say here, that isn’t lashing out. I already regret what I said just now, about apologizing.”

“Don’t. Some lashing out is fair.”

“I’ve tried to take care of that team. Look after the people. If they’re a little banged up, missing, or in tougher spots, it’s because of what’s thrown at us. Not because I think of them as pawns or anything.”

“I know that now. I know we’ve differed in opinion on some things, Victoria, but it was always my impression that you would treat them with kindness, care, and concern. You kept Rain alive when people wanted to kill him and they’re in custody now. You found out about Kenzie’s parents, something she kept a secret from me, and you got her into a healthier place.”

“Different, not necessarily healthier. She’s spiraling again, I think.”

Concern crossed Jessica’s face. “How badly?”

“I feel like three or four really difficult conversations and a very watchful eye will cover it. Not sure though.”

“I’ll trust you there, and I’ll send a colleague her way. Are you aware I’m taking a leave of absence?”

“I’m aware.” It had come up in passing earlier in the day.