“Earlier, you said I was dancing around things,” he said.

“You were.”

“I was. I don’t want to dance about this. It’s heavy and I know it might spoil the mood or fuck my chances, but there’s never going to be a time to mention it.”

“You’re not a good guy?” I asked. He was right, the mood had shifted a bit.

“I know a bit about the Asylum.”

I winced. Ah.

“My friend ended up there. I know ex-staff from the place, and through them I figured out some members of your team came from there. Lookout for a very short time, Tress for a long time, you. I can make an educated guess that the rest of your team came from there.”

I shook my head.

“No?”

“Nah,” I said.

“I won’t talk about it, it’s safe info with me, even when I have a team that likes to pry. But I didn’t want to hold onto it and not let you know I knew.”

“How’s your friend now?” I asked.

“Gone. Long gone. Which is a mercy.”

“Sorry,” I said.

“Open invite,” he said. “No pressure. I should go look after my team.”

“Same here,” I said. I gave him a light punch in the arm. Arm’s length, but physical contact. Safe as I could manage.

I had a lot of thoughts, but I suppressed them. I wasn’t sure he was my type, but he wasn’t a boundary pusher, except for bringing up the hospital, and I had mixed feelings about that. It raised my guard and it lowered walls at the same time.

All of the thoughts were cast in a weird, distorting shadow, because thinking about the hospital even in passing was putting me in a frame of mind where I could remember being the Wretch and having the recurring thought and feeling that I’d be alone for the rest of my life. The default way of thinking about myself and thinking about the possibility of doing anything with anyone were all switched over to that, because it had more weight than a hundred years spent like I was living now.

Not easy and not worth thinking about for now.

Sveta was smiling a bit as I caught up to her.

“No,” I said, pointing at her.

“I can’t tease you?”

“Maybe another day, when I’ve had more sleep.”

“You can tease me,” she said. She smiled wider. “I had a good night. I know you told Kenzie not to call me and you kept me out of the loop so Weld and I could catch up. I have mixed feelings about that—”

“Me too.”

“—but the good feelings in that mix are very good.”

I gave her a hug.

“We figured something out,” she said. “It was nice.”

“I know I shouldn’t ask,” I said. “But I’m really wondering… how?”