I waited. I had some ideas about what she was getting around to. I also had things I might have said, but I was worried that, depending on what she was going to say next, they could be things I’d regret. If her reasons were good, if they were personal…

I was so fucking done with regrets. I didn’t want to add more, especially any tied to Jessica.

“I don’t want to compound my mistakes elsewhere with one here. With that in mind, I want to make it absolutely clear that this isn’t an obligation. I’d like a bit of help, if you heard me out and were comfortable giving it. I’d explain the situation as best as I could, but the confidentiality of other patients makes things difficult.”

“What do you need?”

“Before we get into that, touching back on what I said before about wanting to be fair to you, I’ve contacted a colleague. He’ll be your therapist if you still want one. He’s waiting for your call and he’ll make an appointment with you.”

“You didn’t have to do that. I wouldn’t want to burden you guys more. What’s going on, that you’re going to all this?”

“Maybe it’s necessary, maybe not, but it’s my apology and my thanks to you for having this conversation with me, and for any compromise of the relationship. It doesn’t mean you have to hear me out, and it absolutely doesn’t mean you have to say yes. Alright?”

“Alright, but it doesn’t matter,” I said. “I’ll hear you out.”

“It matters to me,” she said, firm.

“Okay,” I said, a little exasperated. It was clear Jessica was stubborn when she was bothered by something. “Fine. You made a mistake, you want my help. I’ll phone your colleague and possibly go see him. I’ll weigh what you’re asking and I’ll try to make an objective decision. Which may be no.”

“Thank you.”

“What do you need?” I asked, again, holding my iced tea in both hands.

⊙

Mrs. Yamada wasn’t ‘Jessica’ anymore, not any more than capes went by their civilian names in costume. She was in her professional attire, a suit jacket over a blouse, a business skirt, minimal jewelry, minimal and tasteful makeup. Papers rustled as she paged through files and as the wind blew into the room.