‘I know things got a bit out of hand last night and it can’t have been pleasant for you, getting drunk like that and missing the party. And I know you’ll feel awful about the way you spoke to Mrs Hicks . . .’

Bessie felt the slip of tears on her cheeks; she did feel awful about so many things.

‘But you’re a good girl, Bessie. You’re my little girl, and your hangover will pass and Mrs Hicks will get over it and everything will be okay. I’m sad it happened on your birthday – those are our special days, aren’t they? Or at least they are to me.’

There was a moment of silence. Bessie listened hard, wishing she could run into her mum’s arms, but also knowing she was changed and that she had to keep her secret, preserve the way her mum felt about her.

‘The harmonica-playing, the pancakes, the celebrations . . . They’re important, Bessie, because until I had you, I was waiting to begin, waiting to feel truly happy, waiting to feel complete, and becoming a mum to Philip and you . . . it was like someone had given me the greatest gift.’

The greatest gift.

This phrase above all others rang loud in her ears.

‘Anyway, darling, I just wanted to say, don’t go pruney and don’t feel down. Have a good soak and then come downstairs. I’ve made you a little pod on the sofa and you can watch TV and I’ll make you a sandwich. Cheese and tomato?’

Bessie nodded through her tears. ‘Yes, Mum. Cheese and tomato.’

She saw the shadow rise and heard the soft pad of her mum’s footsteps on the stairs and then slowly climbed from the bath. Lifting the lid of the toilet, she twisted the cap from the gin and watched the clear contents glug down into the bowl. The bottle she hid in the bin under her flannel, ready to retrieve later. Wrapping herself in her towel, Bessie rolled the top over to secure it over her chest, and then, wiping the steam from the mirror, she remembered Philip’s words of last night: . . . or you can have the baby and get it adopted. There are so many people desperate for babies.

‘The greatest gift, little one.’ She placed her hand on her stomach. ‘That is what you shall be. The greatest gift.’

CHAPTER TWENTY

CHAPTER TWENTY

August 21st 2021