Chapter Seven

Ethan was visibly absent from his home. Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into an entire month without him. As the days progressed, Gretchen couldn't help but think that Ethan wasn't only avoiding her, but that he had also chosen to take leave of his own home. Ethan's behavior didn't make sense to Gretchen, and it didn't matter that she spent many sleepless nights trying to think of what it was she had said that pushed him so far off the edge even to the extent of leaving.

Did he feel threatened by her presence that he thought it wise to leave his only daughter in the care of a total stranger?

Gretchen remembered his words quite clearly; she was to rid herself of every foolish notion of taking the place of his missing wife. Why he would think that to be her intention was completely beyond her. She didn't feel anything for Ethan. Sure, she found him attractive —as would any woman with eyes— but she herself was only just coming out of a complicated past after making a terrible decision of turning down a proposal from the man she loved. It was bad enough she turned Matthew's proposal down, what was worse was the fact that she actually tried to ruin his marriage.

No, Gretchen had moved past the notion of love ever finding her. She knew quite well that she didn't deserve it and asking anybody to give her their love would be a cruel thing to do, which was why she poured all of her time into caring for the rapidly growing Ellie who had now perfected the art of crawling. Not only was Ellie crawling, but she had put on a few pounds, ate a whole lot better and had no trouble sleeping; the change in her diet had done wonders for the little baby.

Gretchen found her stay in Ethan's home to be dreadfully boring. Her routine —which basically revolved around the infant— had become so predictable, she was desperate for something new. She had written a few letters to Matthew in her boredom and had even gotten them delivered but she still hadn't gotten a reply from him. She knew it would take the letters a few weeks to get to America, but she couldn't help but feel abandoned.

In her desperation for a distraction, she engaged a maid in teaching her how to change Ellie's diapers, clothes and, basically becoming a better nanny. She also began taking walks with Ellie in the evenings. There were days they would sit on the grass, with Gretchen holding a book in her hands, while Ellie went crawling through the area. Gretchen would lie flat on her back and get lost in the world of the female protagonist who experienced many challenges but in the end, would have a happy ever after. She would then take Ellie and they would have their dinner together. Once Ellie had fallen asleep, she would sit up all night fantasizing about her own happy ending. She knew she was undeserving of one, but it didn't stop her from desiring one.