**

THERE WERE NO WORDS to describe the pain Ethan felt in his heart as Gretchen's eyes beheld him with disappointment. He watched helplessly as she rose to her feet, lifting Elizabeth in her arms, before dumping the child in his lap and stumbling out of the room.

"Gretchen..." Shame restricted his lungs until it became impossible to speak.

Elizabeth began to cry where she sat in his lap, with her arms outstretched toward the door Gretchen had exited. It had been months since Elizabeth protested Gretchen's absence —even Elizabeth seemed to sense that something was wrong; that Gretchen had now abandoned her.

Ethan rose to his feet with Elizabeth in his arms. He thought he heard Juliet's voice but he ignored her as he made his way out of the room and placed Elizabeth in the care of the maid. He half ran through the house to the front door that stood wide open, rain from outside pouring into the building.

Without stopping to think, he ran out, barely feeling the water that drenched his clothes as his eyes scanned the darkness for signs of Gretchen. It took a while for his vision to adjust to the night light but when it did, he immediately found Gretchen making her way through the grassy slope in the middle of the heavy downpour.

With his heart dropping at the sight of her, he forced his legs forward after her.

"Gretchen!" The thunder drowned out his voice. "Gretchen," he finally reached her and took captive of her wrist.

She turned to him then, her brown eyes clouded with pain. Rendered speechless by the pain he saw in her eyes, he stood before her, barely breathing.

"I don't deserve this!" Her words clawed at his heart. "I don't deserve this." She mumbled. While the rain stained her entire face, he could tell she was crying.

Ethan's heart torn into several pieces as the pain in Gretchen's eyes pushed him to his knees before her.

"You don't..." He began, still holding on to her hand. "Gretchen, forgive me."

She shook her head. "You love her, Ethan. She was your wife and you had a baby together; a baby I grew to love as well, and perhaps it was my love for Elizabeth that deceived you into thinking you're in love with me..."

"Gretchen," he whispered. Her words stabbed him, cutting deeper than any dagger could; she believed he was not in love with her and she thought so because he betrayed her love. "When Juliet left me," he began, allowing himself relive the painful memory for the first time in many months. "I shall admit to you that I was lost. I wasn't just angry and hurt, but I was lost. Juliet took a part of me with her when she left." He sighed, tightening his hold on her hand. "I gave up everything for Juliet; my family, my fortune, my name. I loved her in spite of myself, and when Juliet came back, she showed me that part of me that she took with her when she left. I thought I needed it, I honestly thought I needed it. That was why I kissed her." He shook his head. "But now, I know I don't. I'm letting her keep that part of me because there's no place in my heart for myself anymore. I had no idea, my love, but you have become who I am. I'm so glad I lost myself because in doing so, I found you." Rising slowly to his trembling feet, he held her teary gaze. "Every time I look at you, I find myself."