As soon as he leaves, I sit for three seconds, face burning. This is okay, this is recoverable, this is a minor event in the course of a whole lifetime, think of the bigger picture, this is a funny story I can tell Henry when he gets here, we can make a joke with the waiter about it, if we get married they’ll tell the story at our wedding ceremony, hilarious, hilarious, hilarious.

And then the adrenaline of my fight-or-flight response kicks in.

I need to leave right now.

I grab my bag, get up and run out the door.

19

19

I have to walk around the streets and deep-breathe for ten minutes until my heart slows down enough for me to think.

Henry has sent me a ‘Hey, I can’t find you’ text. And a ‘Are you definitely here?’ And another one checking he has the right cafe. And then one saying, ‘The waiter thinks you might have been here and then left?’

That fucking waiter.

What a betrayal. He sits only slightly behind Jesse for deep, life-changing betrayals now.

Poor Henry. Poor lovely flute-playing, stand-up-comedian Henry with notable eyebrows who drove to the other side of the city to meet me.

What if someone saw the whole thing and filmed it and it’s going viral right now? I resist the urge to go on every social media platform and start randomly scouring.

Okay, how do I recover this. I could just ghost him, never respond to his texts, block him, pretend it never happened. Except he’s Penny’s cousin, and everyone will know. Also that makes me an awful person. Henry deserves better.

I could tell him the truth. No, I can’t type that story out. I just can’t. And how do I explain the leaving, the failing to text him immediately and request to raincheck, I just left him sitting there, stood-up, how bloody horrible.

How to say, I had to walk around the streets until the ringing in my ears stopped and my heart slowed and my face was no longer burning like the fire of a thousand suns. That I was in a state of such acute embarrassment, I was unable to communicate, that I briefly transcended the earth. But I’m completely normal and very dateable. Please give me another chance.

What if Henry is my soulmate, my one true love, and I’ve blown it? He was so cute. Well, okay, I don’t know this for sure, since I can’t remember what he looks like, but the waiter was cute, and I have to imagine Henry looked somewhat similar to him.

Oh, god. And now I have to tell Harper.

And Penny.

And Lauren.

And my mother.

And Nanna.

Worst of all, somehow, Jesse.

Why do so many people know about this date?

I have to text Henry back something. I can’t just leave those texts unanswered.