‘Do you have time to buy a dozen red roses, crotchless underwear and a tub of thickened cream?’ Lauren is saying. ‘If so, I can direct you on what to do from there.’

‘Lauren! This is serious. He’s going on a date with someone else tonight.’ I am still walking in circles, and I almost bump into a man running past.

‘So tell him before he goes,’ Lauren says.

‘I can’t. I can’t just say it.’

‘Write a letter and put it in his wallet, but loose, so it falls out during the date.’

‘Your ideas are so bad.’ I sit down on a nearby bench before I get in the way of any more runners.

‘Repurpose that poem Tristan wrote for you.’

‘I’m really hanging up now.’

‘This isn’t an assignment, Brooke. There’s no perfect way to do it. Just tell him, for fuck’s sake.’

‘I can’t.’

‘You can.’

‘I can’t.’

‘He’s into you. It’s very obvious. It’s going to be fine.’

‘If he has feelings for me, then he should tell me first.’

‘Has he tried to, but you shut him down?’

God, she knows me too well. I look up at the sky. ‘I don’t know. No. Maybe. I can’t be sure.’

‘Brooke.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Just, relax. This is the kind of cliff it’s okay to jump off. This is a good risk to take.’

‘A good risk. Okay. Okay.’ She’s convincing me. Sort of. A little.

‘You can do this,’ she says.

‘I can do it,’ I repeat, sounding anything but sure.

We say goodbye and hang up and then she sends me a text saying YOU CAN DO THIS, I LOVE YOU in all caps.

I read her message three times, and I tell myself it’s true. I can do this.

36

36

By the time I get home, I’m hot and sweaty and still full of feelings.

I can hear Harper chatting to Jesse.

I imagine bursting into the kitchen, and saying…what? I have an announcement to make. How do people tell other people important things? It would be much easier if we were standing in the rain, and I was dramatically shouting to be heard over the howling wind, maybe wearing a cape. Anything but this, an ordinary afternoon.

I look at myself in the mirror. I can’t make a love declaration with slicked, sweaty hair.

I shower, wash my hair, and I am staring at myself in the mirror, wet haired and towel-clad, when Jesse calls out, ‘Bye.’

I rush to the door and lean out into the hallway. ‘You’re going?’ I say. ‘I thought your date wasn’t for ages.’

‘We decided to meet early,’ he says.

Oh god, their text banter got so hot, they couldn’t wait any longer. They’re already in love. I’m too late.

‘Have fun!’ I’m too high pitched.