‘I’m uptight, I’m controlling, I’m anxious, I worry about things too much, I’m not “fun”—’ I tick them off on my fingers as I go.

He is watching me with a kind of fascination.

‘You’re really hard on yourself,’ he says.

‘Is that an observation or a flaw to add to my list?’

‘Um, both, I guess?’ he smiles.

‘Too self-critical. Got it. Adding it in,’ I say.

He shakes his head. ‘That’s…No. Wait. I’m scared to say anything now in case you add it to your list,’ he says.

‘I think it’s healthy to know your flaws,’ I say.

‘Okay. Do me,’ he says.

‘Do you what?’

‘Do my worst traits.’

I look at him, that eager face, every feature somehow enhanced by his black-rimmed glasses.

‘I can handle it,’ he says.

‘Fine,’ I say.

He looks excited. That there might actually be a best and worst trait. That he’s so confident in his likeability and charm he thinks hearing his worst traits will be entertaining.

‘You’re kind of a slob. You care too much about what other people think. You have a big ego. And—’ I pause. I was going to say something that alluded to what he did to me. You’re a traitor, maybe, or you’re cowardly, or you can be cruel, you abandon people, but I can’t quite say it. If I do, it will shift the mood entirely, but more than that, I don’t want to delve into it right now. It’s like touching an old injury that never healed. Discussing it will make it all real again.

‘And?’ Jesse says quietly. His demeanor has changed, softened, and I can feel it, like he’s opening a door, willing me to bring it up.

‘And nothing. That’s it.’ We look at each other for a moment.

‘Brooke,’ he says. ‘About what happened in school. I never told you how—’

‘No,’ I say. ‘I don’t want to talk about that.’

There’s a beat of silence, and I see him wavering, wondering whether to push it, but my expression must warn him off.

‘Well. Okay. I have some questions about your list then,’ he says, his voice returning to its light, jocular tone, putting his tea down on the coffee table.

‘Ask away. I am ready to give you answers.’

‘Do I really have a big ego?’

‘You’re tall. All tall guys are conditioned to have big egos, so it’s as much society’s fault as yours. But yes. Of course you do, it’s not even in question,’ I say.

‘But growing up I was actually a really small kid.’

‘So?’

‘So I developed my sense of self back then.’

‘That was overridden by the time you were sixteen, six foot whatever and sitting in the back seat of the bus, making fun of other people.’