It’s the night of our housewarming party and I am in the kitchen, chopping fruit into decorative shapes and artfully arranging cheeses and jamming toothpicks into rolled-up salami slices with what I am sure an outside observer would describe as a manic energy. I told Harper and Jesse I would prepare the food for the party, because it calms me to have a job and because I like to make things special.

They thought I would dump a few packets of chips into bowls, but I have created fully stylised grazing platters. This just seemed nicer than a tub of hummus and a few packets of water crackers. Although now I take a breath and stand back and look at it all, I’m starting to worry I might have gone overboard. I am putting the finishing touches on my kiwifruit cut into flower shapes when Harper and Penny walk into the kitchen.

‘Oh wow!’ Harper says, smiling. ‘You’ve really gone all out.’

I can’t tell if she thinks that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

‘It’s no big deal,’ I say, hoping they can’t tell from looking at me that I spent all morning watching instructional YouTube videos on how to create charcuterie platters. I want people to be deeply impressed, but I also don’t want anyone to know how hard I am trying for their approval. It’s a complicated balance.

Penny is carrying a bottle of champagne, and wearing an adorable jumpsuit and bright lipstick. Her chestnut hair is spilling in every direction, and her chunky heels are so high I want to study the mechanics of how she walks so effortlessly in them. Harper is wearing high-waisted black jeans, Converse sneakers and a cropped red top with the word ‘cheese’ on it in blocky white type. I don’t know if the word ‘cheese’ is an obscure reference or if it’s completely random, but I do intuitively know that it makes the top very cool. I don’t know which outfit I wish I could pull off more. I’m wearing a loose black dress that feels very dull in comparison, and now I’m worried I look like a waitress.

‘You should start a catering business,’ Penny says, which makes me definitely want to get changed. ‘You have talent.’

Harper laughs and grabs a carrot off my platter. ‘Stop telling everyone they should start a business,’ she says to Penny.

‘I can’t help it. I see potential everywhere I go,’ Penny replies.

‘She listened to one podcast episode on young women launching startups and now she’s unbearable,’ Harper says, and I laugh. I resist asking which podcast, because I don’t need the pressure of trying to think up a successful business idea right now.