‘A few days!’ A few days could mean a week, it could mean longer. My heart is hammering. I needed notice, I needed to plan, I needed to clean, shop, clear my schedule, buy new clothes, and more towels, tell everyone, adjust my uni schedule, get ahead with my work. Doesn’t she know this about me after all these years? She does know, but she thinks it’s just my neurosis, just me being controlling, just me being anxious, resisting spontaneity and fun, rather than crucial to my actual emotional wellbeing.

But, she’s here. She’s here. I’m trying to keep my reaction under control.

‘What brought this visit on?’ I say. I am barely listening, scrolling ahead in my mind to what it means, to have Lauren stay, to have Lauren here in my world, my fragile and recently imploded little world.

‘I thought you might need cheering up. The cyst, the bad date, goddamn Dad, all that crap.’

‘Right,’ I say. A nice list of my humiliations. I didn’t even tell her the truth about the date, I just said it hadn’t gone well, we didn’t click, which is technically not a lie. ‘Does Mum know you’re here?’

‘Not yet. She would have called to warn you and then it would have turned into a whole thing. I wanted to keep it low key. And to give you a surprise!’

‘I am definitely surprised,’ I say. Lauren follows me down the hall to my room, where she lies on my bed and watches me fuss around.

‘Also, Mum and I are fighting,’ she says.

Of course they are.

‘What about?’

‘The usual, you know.’

That could be one of a hundred things, really. I don’t have time to dig into that because my mind is still racing.

‘I’m starving,’ Lauren says.

‘I’ll get you something to eat,’ I say, defaulting straight to mothering mode. ‘Where did you park your car? It’s a permit zone all round here.’

‘It’ll be fine,’ Lauren says, waving her hand.

‘No it won’t be, you’ll get a ticket—’

‘Are you okay?’ Lauren says, looking at me.

The thing is, Lauren knows me. She knows me, knows me. She knows the difference between grumpy me, regular me, sad me and something-is-really-wrong me.

‘Yes, I’m fine,’ I say, avoiding her eyes.

‘You’re giving off a very dark energy.’

‘I’m fine. Just a bad day at uni.’

‘Okay,’ she says, looking like she doesn’t believe me. She gets up and walks back out.

‘We’re all going out, by the way,’ she yells from the lounge room. ‘Jesse and I have decided.’