She tilted her head, her eyes full of sympathy as she misread the weary tone of my voice and pink-rimmed eyes. The way my black fingernails kept scratching at my watchless wrist. “Oh, honey, I’m so glad you went with your friends tonight. You need to talk about this.” This meaning Kori’s death.

“Right.” I couldn’t believe she was so happy to see me feeling like shit. But then again, the sooner I was over Kori, the sooner she could forget my friendship with Kori had ever happened. “Well, I better get to bed. ‘Night.”

“‘Night.”

Not even ten minutes later, I heard the water in her bathtub running. From my window I watched her Jeep Cherokee drive out of our complex. Pressure built behind my eyes. My lungs clenched so tight they started shaking. I swallowed back the tears.

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting,” I whispered to the disappearing red glow of her taillights. Then I crawled out my window.

I hardly realized I’d been running or crying until I found myself inside Mr. Miller’s barn in front of Shay’s door. I knocked loud and hard. When he appeared, I was struck speechless.

So I threw myself at him. Lips first.

A lie runs until it is overtaken by truth.
—Cuban proverb

twenty-seven

Shay’s mouth took over, crushing hungrily into mine. Things went dark for a moment as I moved in response. Low-slung heat churned deep inside, seeking out his taste. Finding it dark and thick and better than honey, I wanted more. Everything pounded with one overwhelming need.

His words were muffled with panting attempts at breathing between kisses. So quiet, I convinced myself I hadn’t heard a thing. But when his body yanked sharply back and cold reality shocked through me, I knew I’d heard correctly.

“God, you remind me so much of her.”

He stared down at me, his fingers gripping my wrists like I was hanging off a cliff and was slipping away. My own eyes felt stretched wide and out of control. His hands jerked to my shoulders, locking me away from his body as he caught his breath. Then: “What are you doing here?”

I tried to breathe my sanity back. I had to convince him that I wasn’t looking for forever. That, like Kori, I was just looking for the next step, not the thousand that would be following it.

“It’s okay. We can, you know …” I reached my fingers across the cold air between us and stroked at his naked belly. Through tear-thickened lashes, my eyes made promises.

I could see the wheels turning in his head slam to a stop. Smell the smoke of the brakes. “No. No no no.”

He shook his head as he pulled away. The hard look on his face broke my heart in the cruelest of ways. Then, almost to himself, he said, “You’re fifteen.”