Chapters (34)
I thought about it. Thought about why I was spending so much time with Shay and not with Anthony. Why I’d asked Shay out on a date, and not accepted when Anthony had asked me. Maybe before everything with Kori had happened, I would have answered differently. I would’ve told him, we always want to be The One that is different. But that wasn’t what I felt with Shay. If anything, I wanted to be The One who wasn’t different. Deep down I knew I wasn’t Kori and that there wasn’t any real future in Shay and me. And that was okay. The future was something I still didn’t have much of a grip on.
What came out of my mouth was: “Because there’s nothing to lose.”
“Ah, but also nothing to gain,” he said, cocking up one side of his mouth.
“Which begs the question, if you really feel that way, then why do you have a no-admittance policy on your heart?”
“I find it hurts everyone less this way.”
“Is she still worried about getting hurt?” Shay asked, coming back inside. He had no idea what conversation he’d just walked in on or how appropriate his comment was.
Tattoo boy did, though, and grinned. “They always are.”
I sucked in a breath feeling Shay’s fingers link with mine. “You’ll be fine.”
I glanced up at him, but his eyes stayed trained on the guy’s prep job. I was glad I couldn’t really see what was going on. And I was even more relieved that Shay was there with me and had a good solid grip.
After a few minutes Shay looked back at me. “How you doing?”
“I just wish he’d start with the painful stuff.” So far I’d only felt the artist draw on the outline.
Shay smirked. “He has.”
I let myself relax. “It doesn’t hurt at—” I felt something like a cigarette burning me. “Shit.”
“Oh, nope, you were right.” He grinned down at me. “Now he’s starting.”
“That wasn’t funny,” I growled. And then it burned me again. “Shit!” And again. “Ow!” And then it got less intense.
“It’s better if you’re not all stiff and anticipating it,” he said by way of apology. I noticed the shared grin between him and Pumpkin Boy and knew they were messing with me.
I kept hold of Shay’s hand, not because it was too terribly painful, but because I wanted to stay connected to him.
Kori used to worry about floating away when she was high. Now I understood. She was worried that she was losing herself. And I started to wonder if I was doing the same thing by trying to fulfill someone else’s last wishes.