“Decorating a card, coming up with poignant prose, sending it to someone? It’s like a fetish. If these people wanted to get rid of their secrets, they would. I cut myself because I feel pain; I don’t quit my job because I’m at a job that doesn’t test for drugs, but I take drugs because I hate my job; I knew and I didn’t tell you. These are resolvable. Honest? Yes. Sad? Yes, okay, I’ll give them that, but cathartic? Come on. If you really wanted to tell, you’d have told.”

I was being hypocritical—here I was in so much pain that I wanted to end my life, but I was afraid to end my life because it might be painful. And yet, Doc stood there nodding at me like I’d just said something brilliant.

“Great, Serena.”

Maybe he was just happy I’d said anything at all. But all I wanted to do was pull my words back inside.

“So what else?”

Ashley the Advocate raised her hand and at Doc’s nod said, “I just wanted to hug these people and tell them it will get better.”

Figures.

“Great. Do they all need a hug? Does the janitor who takes the recycling cans and throws them in the regular Dumpster need a hug?”

I had to applaud Doc for pointing out Ashley’s biggest pet peeve. She was always getting her chastity panties in a twist over recycling.

“Well, no, not a hug, I guess. But maybe he just needs to be informed of how easy recycling can be.”

“Oh, please,” I said out of turn. “You’d still judge him if you saw him toss a bag full of aluminum cans away, and so would Jesus.” She quickly covered her Immaculate Conception Flour Baby’s ears. “And I’m sorry, but that janitor guy knew exactly what he was doing and didn’t seem to feel guilty for doing it either.”

Ashley attempted to recover from my comment. No doubt she would be praying for me as soon as she did.

“So why did he bother making the card and sending it in?” Doc asked.

“So he could waste the paper, of course.” I pivoted to speak to Ashley. “Or maybe you’d prefer to say he recycled it?”

She grimaced at me. “You’re so cynical.”

“Okay, so Serena is cynical. Serena, did you take the assignment seriously and send in a real secret?”

“Yes,” I said, but felt bad lying, so I added a sheepish “Sort of.”

“Okay, so maybe not entirely cynical. Why send it in at all?”