I’d never been a particularly jealous person; I had always been innately confident in myself. But I’m trying to be honest with my feelings. I was intrigued by them. And I thought I did see passion there, between Ness and Leah, and I was envious of passion. ‘Perhaps,’ I say.

‘And were you jealous of Ness’s beauty?’

I smile and shake my head. ‘No,’ I say. ‘I’m a great fan of beauty.’

She glances at my scars as we both let that comment hang in the air, its repercussions wafting around the room with the grapefruit.

Chapter 5

I don’t know precisely when I realized that I was developing a crush on Ness. These things happen so slowly. Looking back, it was probably the time we went for that long hike outside Bath somewhere. Do you know the Bath countryside, Dr. Robinson? You should go. I was struck by how fearless, how in control Ness was, with the Ordnance Survey map on her phone, her sensible boots and her blue parka. I found myself quite content to follow those slender striding legs into the unknown and was enjoying this strange new feeling of being second in command. A strange thought kept occurring to me: If I was a man this is exactly the sort of woman I would fall in love with.

The trip was unplanned. Now that the kids were a bit older Ness had got a job managing a gallery on the South Bank – she was doing really well and had been sent out to visit an artist in Bristol to discuss an upcoming exhibition. The night before the trip she’d sprained her wrist playing netball. Leah had work commitments, so Ness had asked if I was free to drive her there and back. I was free (I was procrastinating doing research for my book). Besides, it was just for the day and I know she would have done the same for me.

Initially, as we left London in the old RAV4, it had felt a little peculiar; Ness and I had always passed our time together in the comfortable context of our families and here we were: individuals again, in the big wide world, just two women in a car going on a journey. Within the familial context, we’d all grown closer, thanks to the kids dashing in and out of our houses without the reserve of adults. They’d broken all the barriers for us, resulting in many impromptu evenings spent together. Karl was unusual like that – he was perfectly happy in the company of women (as long as he was the centre of attention); he had lots of women friends; he genuinely liked women. And Leah and Ness were unusual in that they had quite a few straight male friends. And you know what? I’d even seen Ness being quite flirty with them – I suppose being in a lesbian relationship allowed her that safety.