Today Polly and me went to the inside pool with diving boards where Josh did a poo when he was a baby (he says he never did but Mum always pulls a face behind his back). The lifegard with the pop belly and the black glasses was there. We played the DEAD game. You can play the dead game anywhere. In Scotland we do it on the sand dunes. Its best with makeup and ketchup. NOT IN THE POOL OBVS. We did scisser paper rock EVEN THOUGH it was my idea and I am a better swimmer but she says she is a better actress. She wins scisser paper rock so she gets to be the one. She swims out into the middle of the pool and I hide by the edge. When she is sure that the lifegard is watching she starts flapping her arms and doing a few spasms like she is having a fit like Phoebe B in netball. She goes on for ages then just did floating with her face down. It was a v good death I must say. The lifegard JUMPS off his chair and DIVES into the water with all his clothes on. His glasses fell off. Polly very dramatic rolls on to her back (she is not as good as me at holding her breath). She has her tongue sticking out and has made her eyes go all boggly overdoing it if you ask me. The lifegard looks really scared which makes me a bit scared. He picks her up and swims to the edge and plops her on the tiles. I must say she looked really dead, all floppy with her mouth hanging open. I did some crying which was sort of real. Then the lifegard turned her face up and HE TRIED TO KISS her on the mouth!!!! She screamed and jumped up like a FLASH. She looked at me and I couldnt help laughing and she started laughing. He started shouting at us. He said we were BANNED for life from the swimming pool which means never aloud back. We bought 2x millions on the way home and Polly dropped hers.

Jan 12 BEST DAY EVER