Even a mental mother is better than no mother at all, wouldn’t you say, Dr. R? We stood there hugging for a little while under the keen eye of the social worker, and then I took them down the lawn towards the brook, which turns out to be more of a puddle with an exit. (Don’t think we ever made it that far?) These days I have no pills to pop, I have to make do with twiddling a leaf in my fingers.

However, in essence we were all the same as ever. Annie and I sat down in the sunshine and took our shoes off and put our feet in the water and started making daisy chains. Josh squatted underneath one of the apple trees nearby. And the social worker was now sitting on the bench not too far away, looking as awkward as we were all feeling.

Annie started asking me lots of questions about the place and I pointed out various rooms in the building. She asked if she could come and stay with me sometime and whether we could watch people dying in the electric chair. I don’t know what she’s been watching but I said I didn’t think we had one.

‘Don’t have any more breaking downs, Mummy,’ she said, apropos of nothing.

‘No, I won’t,’ I said. ‘I just want to say how sorry I am for everything I’ve put you through, and I want you to know that I love you more than anything in the world and I never meant to harm you.’ I looked up at Josh; he was harder to read.

‘Well, you mustn’t do it again,’ Annie said. But her attention was on Mental Sita; she kept looking back towards the tree, where Mental Sita was busy licking imaginary scrotums.

‘I won’t. I promise. And I’m going to be allowed to see you twice a month.’

‘Will you have to live here?’

‘For a while.’

‘Do you think she wants to play sticks? The dog lady?’ Annie asked.

‘Go and ask her.’

Annie leapt up. I watched her little athletic frame run back up towards Mental Sita, the social worker momentarily dithering about who was the greater danger here.

‘How are you, Josh?’ I said.

He shrugged. ‘Well, it’s all a bit weird, isn’t it?’

I nodded. And we both smiled.

I gestured for him to come and sit beside me. I put my arm around him and he leant against me a fraction. How I’ve missed him and our little chats; we had a special bond, he and I. I know you’re not meant to say this but sometimes it felt like we were friends or siblings, not parent and child.

‘I’m so sorry for the mess, for not being there, Joshy. It’s not been fair on you two.’