The taller man said something in Konkani. The shorter man neatly piled all of Minnie’s clothes on the bench and then pulled out an oblong box. It was Leila’s birthday present to Minnie, neatly wrapped for tomorrow. Leila had thrown it in Minnie’s bag at the last minute because her own was too stuffed full of pastel-coloured fisherman’s trousers, crochet tops, and all the scented wooden ornaments she kept buying from the beach vendors.

‘What is in here?’ asked the shorter man, thrusting it towards her. The taller man frowned and picked up a clipboard. He started flicking through some sheets of paper.

‘I don’t know. It’s a present for my birthday.’

Minnie felt her stomach drop. Would Leila have bought her drugs? Surely not.

The two men exchanged a look. The taller man said something in Konkani and tapped his clipboard.

‘May I open it?’ said the shorter man.

‘Sure,’ said Minnie, shaking her head. Maybe it was some kind of bath-bomb that set the sensors off because it looked like explosives?

The shorter man carefully began to unwrap the parcel to reveal a long purple plastic box with ‘Rampant Rabbit’ written along the side in excitable lettering. A large phallic pink wand was visible through the plastic window. Minnie blushed puce; bloody Leila – this was mortifying.

‘What is this?’ asked the shorter man, his head cocked to one side.

‘Oh, er, it’s a joke, it’s a present from my friend.’

Both men looked at her blankly. Minnie rolled her hands into fists to stop herself from scratching. The taller man pointed to a Post-it note stuck onto the box. The shorter man started to read, ‘Hey babes, have an orgasmic birthday and a dickalicious New Year. Who needs men, hey?’ He pronounced the word orgasmic, ‘org-gas-mick’.

‘What is dickal ishus?’ asked the taller man.

‘Oh well, it’s hard to explain,’ said Minnie, covering her face with clammy hot hands. She was beginning to wish it had been drugs in her bag. Oh god, why couldn’t it have been lovely, simple, less embarrassing drugs?

‘This is a morally corrupting object,’ said the shorter man sternly. ‘You sell this in our country?’

‘Oh no, no, I’m not selling it. Why would I want to sell it?’

‘It is not OK to sell obscene objects in India,’ said the taller man, shaking his head and tapping his clipboard.

‘Really?’ Minnie said, genuinely surprised. ‘I didn’t know that, and as I said, it’s a present. I didn’t even know it was in there.’

‘You will have to wait here. Fill in this form,’ said the shorter man.

‘Very long form,’ said the taller man, nodding gravely, showing her a clipboard thick with paper.

‘But my flight, I’ll miss my flight!’ Minnie cried.

The two men chatted while Minnie furiously scratched her arms. Eventually they turned back to her and her hands froze, mid-scratch.