Quinn walked out to the landing by the toilets. It would be rude to take a call at the table in a restaurant like this. He slumped to the floor at the top of the stairs and stared at his phone, his portable prison. To his left were double doors through to the kitchen, where he could hear clanking pans and curt voices. It was a room full of fiercely paddling feet that made the restaurant on the other side of the wall appear like an effortless gliding swan.

As he was about to call, a girl in chef’s whites with curly brown hair, came running through the doors. She was crying, and their eyes met for a second. She looked how Quinn felt – consumed by misery. He wanted to ask if she was OK, but she carried on down the stairs before he had a chance to speak. As she disappeared around the corner, he saw that the girl had dropped her chef’s hat on the stairs. A thought of Cinderella and a glass slipper flashed into his mind. In an alternate universe, he might run after that girl and return her hat. In this one he did not have the headspace for gallantry. He would hand her hat in to the kitchen.

His mother didn’t answer his call. He would have to go home. He walked slowly back into the restaurant to see a spectacle of fireworks still lighting up the horizon over the park. As he took his seat, Polly didn’t turn her head away from the window.

‘I’m sorry, Polly. I have to go,’ he said.

‘She’ll always come first, won’t she?’ Polly said.

‘No, not always. It’s New Year, it’s a bad time for her, Polly … ’

‘I don’t think I’m an especially needy person, Quinn, but you make me feel so needy and I hate it.’

‘You’re not needy, Polly. You are the only good thing in my life — ’

She cut him off.

‘Quinn, go home, let’s not do this now, just go and do what you need to do. I’m going to go and meet some friends at a club in Hoxton. Thank you for a lovely meal.’

She kissed him on the cheek, a lingering kiss. Something about it felt more final than simply a goodbye. And as she left, Quinn found the nauseous feeling began to recede and the tightness across his chest finally started to ease.

17 May 2020