Dee rolls her eyes.

‘A: everything does boil down to maths, that’s the beauty of maths, and B: not everyone gets some Hollywood-style meet-cute. I don’t want to be the harbinger of doom, but the number of eligible guys over thirty is only going to get smaller. If you play the field for too long, all the good men will be gone; only the divorcés and weirdos will be left.’

‘What about me? I’m single,’ says Vanya indignantly.

‘You love the weirdos. You actively seek out the weirdos.’

‘That’s true,’ says Vanya, pulling down her red beanie hat and drumming out a tune on the back of Dee’s chair with her fingers.

‘Look, all I know is, if I can’t have a love story like my parents had – world stops turning, soulmate kind of love – then I’d rather be on my own.’ I pause, weighing my words, anxious not to offend my oldest friend. ‘And you know, Dee, I’m not a baton you have to pass on. I’m not going to fall to pieces if I’m on my own for a bit.’

‘It’s not that, Laura, of course it’s not that. I didn’t mean to suggest you needed to have a man in your life. All I’m saying is, I thought David made you happy – happier,’ her lips twitch into a smile. ‘I’m worried you’re holding out for something that doesn’t exist. These couples you interview for your job– you should go back and talk to them in six months when the oxytocin has worn off and they’re arguing about the fact that he leaves his sweaty running gear loose in the laundry bin and it stinks out the whole damn kitchen.’

‘You’re really selling married life to us, Dee,’ says Vanya.

Dee ignores her and shoots me a wide-eyed look, worried she’s caused offence.

‘And you’re not a baton I’m trying to palm off. Even if you met Prince bloody Charming and rode off into the sunset, I would never let go of this baton,’ she lets go of my hand and points a finger back and forth between us.

‘I know. Me too,’ I say, feeling a gush of love for this woman.

‘Right, anyway, I’ve said my piece.’ Dee blinks her eyes. ‘This conversation isn’t passing the Bechdel test, so let’s talk about something else.’

Dee is obsessed with the Bechdel test. It’s a checklist used to see whether women are being represented as well-rounded characters in fiction or film. Essentially, to pass the test, two female characters have to have a conversation about something other than men. Dee won’t watch or read anything that doesn’t pass, on point of feminist principle.