Leila shook her head in bewilderment, looking around as though expecting some TV presenter to jump out of the bushes. Then the crowd parted and the horse trainer guided Ian and the ‘unicorn’ forward. Ian tried to open his helmet but the eye flaps kept clanking shut. Leila started laughing as soon as she saw him; bent-double belly laughter. Ian huffed and clanked, then decided to dispense with the helmet altogether, taking it off and letting it drop down onto the grass.

‘Leila, I love you with all my heart, you crazy, sexy woman. If you want the fairy tale, even this incredibly weird fairy tale, I promise I will try every day to give it to you. Leila Swain, will you marry me?’

Then he pointed to the fake sparkly gold unicorn horn where his grandmother’s ring was glinting in the sunshine and the singing sheep on the front row started bleating out a sinister rendition of ‘The Lion Sleeps Tonight’.

Leila was crying and laughing, clutching her sides and gazing up adoringly at Ian, while everyone in the crowd started clapping and cheering.

‘Get down here, you mug,’ she called up to him.

The horse handler and the hedgehog in a tutu helped lift Ian down in his clanking armour. He lumbered over to Leila, crushing a tray of pork pies as he went, causing Bev to let out an involuntary yelp.

‘Well then?’ Ian said. ‘Will you?’

‘Of course I will, you absolute mentalist,’ Leila squealed, grabbing him with two hands and kissing him. ‘But first explain to me what, in the name of the weirdest trip imaginable, is going on here? Why are there mermaids and singing sheep and a hedgehog doing ballet?’

Minnie stepped forward with a Nutella pancake carefully folded on a pink paper plate.

‘This was your dream proposal, remember?’ she said, beaming from ear to ear. Leila looked blank. ‘Remember!’ Minnie said, nudging Leila, ‘We were seventeen, we were at my house watching romcoms and you said that when the perfect guy proposed to you it would be exactly like this. Well, not exactly like this, but you get the idea – it’s the romantic Disney fantasy you always dreamed of!’ Minnie spread her arms in a ‘ta-da’ gesture, waiting for Leila to click.

‘I have absolutely no memory of that conversation,’ said Leila, her mouth locked in a confused smirk, her eyes wide and unblinking. She turned back to Ian. ‘Tell me you didn’t organise all this based on some random conversation Minnie and I had thirteen years ago?’

Ian turned to look at Minnie and covered his face with his hands.

‘I thought it was a seminal conversation!’ cried Minnie.

‘It definitely wasn’t a seminal conversation,’ said Leila, laughing.

‘What’s going on?’ said Fleur, striding over to join the discussion.

‘Leila doesn’t remember the engagement fantasy,’ said Ian, shaking his head.