‘Thanks, I made it myself. I figure the world has enough fancy dress going straight to landfill. Oh Minnie, did I show you a picture of the T-shirt my daughter made Betty for the march next week?’ Bev said, pulling out her phone. Minnie leant in to see a photo of a toothy youngster with long brown plaits wearing a green T-Shirt that said: ‘MY GRAN’S FANTASTIC, SHE SAYS NO TO SINGLE-USE PLASTIC’.

‘Oh Bev, look how cute she is. I’m so glad you’re getting into all this campaigning.’

Minnie put an arm around Bev to give her a hug, but found herself hugging the pillow Bev had secured around her shoulders.

‘Oh, you’re the hunchback of Notre-Dame!’ she said, finally clicking.

‘Who else would I be?’ said Bev.

Bev set about adding the final hamper to the scene. They had laid out a giant red and white checked picnic blanket with hampers full of pork pies, ham, cheese boards and fruit. It looked like a feast fit for Henry the Eighth (if Henry the Eighth had been friends with a mermaid, the cast of the RSC, Quasimodo, some freaky animatronic sheep and half the Teletubbies).

‘Wow,’ said Bev as they stood next to each other surveying the scene. ‘Not bad, hey?’

Fleur had taken on the role of event coordinator and was ushering people into position, while a sweaty Ian was being manhandled onto a horse dressed as a unicorn by the sturdy horse handler. There were actors dressed as mer-people, elves, a snowman and a dancing hedgehog in a tutu. Minnie frowned: where had the dancing hedgehog come from?

‘You do think this reads Disney fantasy, don’t you, Bev, not weird trippy Christmas panto?’ said Minnie.

‘I haven’t watched much Disney so I’ve got no idea what this is all about,’ Bev said, shaking her head.

Minnie’s eyes darted around for someone else to ask as Bev wasn’t filling her with confidence. She hopped over to Fleur, holding up her tail with both hands – it wasn’t easy to manoeuvre with your legs tied together.

‘Fleur, this does look like a Disney fantasy scene, like Enchanted, doesn’t it?’ Minnie said. ‘It’s just, the dancing hedgehog and the Teletubbies—’

Fleur had a headset on and touched a finger to her ear, holding out her other hand to silence Minnie.

‘Leila is out of the Tube so ETA five minutes people – five minutes!’ Then she turned to Minnie with an eye roll. ‘I know Bev is really letting the side down with her weird dead-bear-head outfit, but I’ll hide her at the back. Don’t worry, Leila loves all this weird crazy shit.’