‘What’s your band like?’ I asked.

He looked at Mary. ‘Er…’

‘Sort of bouncy Steely Dan post-feminist pop rock,’ she said.

‘Post-feminist?’

‘Yeah, we do songs about not cheating on our girlfriends, imagining things from her perspective, that sort of thing,’ he said.

‘Ironically or in earnest?’ asked Jonathan.

‘Well, it’s a bit of a joke, an antidote to all the clichéd rock bullshit. But it’s not just a joke: we don’t cheat on our girlfriends. I mean, I wouldn’t cheat on my girlfriend if I had one.’

He turned to look at Mary.

‘How do you know you wouldn’t cheat on your girlfriend if you don’t have one?’ I said.

‘Well, I just think she’d be enough for me.’

‘How conventional,’ said Jonathan.

‘Jonathan,’ said Mary. ‘Paul.’

‘I mean, you might not cheat on your girlfriend,’ I said, ‘but it might be a bit complacent to assume a monogamous happy ever after. Have neither of you read that book about how women are naturally far less monogamous than men? This myth that men have higher sex drives derives from the counter-fact that women are so quickly bored by just one partner that sex in a traditional one-to-one relationship becomes almost immediately a chore to them.’

‘Wow,’ said Nathan.

‘Wow,’ said Jonathan. ‘Did Monica write this book, Paul?’

I ignored this remark and continued. ‘Women find chimps desirable in tests. Men don’t find chimps desirable, not in the main. We’re really boring like that – it’s no wonder women stop fancying us.’

‘And that’s what you think, Paul? That I desire chimps?’ said Mary.

‘I think you desire chimps,’ said Jonathan.

‘I don’t care what you think.’

‘It’s a hypothesis,’ I said. ‘Women are wilder, sexually, than men. Men are very conventional. I’ve no idea whether it’s accurate or not. You might be atypical. Of course no one’s saying you want to fuck chimps.’

‘I’m saying she wants to fuck chimps,’ said Jonathan.

‘See. He’s saying I want to fuck chimps,’ she said.

‘That’s called projection,’ I said. ‘He wants to fuck chimps so he can’t stop saying you want to fuck chimps.’

‘Do you think that’s it?’ said Jonathan. ‘Where do I find a chimp to fuck?’

‘I’ll lend you the book, Mary.’

‘I don’t want to read the book,’ said Mary.

‘All of this doesn’t really correspond with my observation of life, Paul,’ said Nathan.