‘I like Sophie a lot more than other people seem to. I’ve really missed her while she’s been away.’

He put his empty pint glass down and sighed. ‘Perhaps I’m going mad. OK. Let’s stop. Let’s say no more.’

‘Do you want another?’ I asked.

‘I’m all right.’

‘I hope Emily comes back soon,’ I said.

‘Actually, she’s back tomorrow.’

‘Tomorrow? Oh, great. She hadn’t let me know.’

‘Good. I mean, it’s good she’s coming back. Coming home. I hope you enjoy your reunion with Sophie too. I think. And Paul – the warning goes both ways with her. You might not want to get too attached to her for your own sake.’

I wanted to ask what he meant, but I suspected I knew. Certain relationships take place over borders too bothersome to keep climbing over. He hadn’t considered that the age difference might be such a border for him and Emily, or perhaps that’s exactly what he was considering and why he was talking this way to me.

‘Thanks for your concern,’ I said.

When we said goodbye we shook hands, and I held on, feeling how warm and strong his grip was, for now.

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‌Sixteen

Towards the end of the session you ask me if I realise I only ever talk about Andrew with a tone of moral disapproval.

‘Do I?’

Even though the rest of the time I pride myself on not adopting ‘conventional morality’.

‘I don’t mind conventional morals at all, if they’ve been given thought. I don’t see what that’s got to do with it.’

But monogamy isn’t important to me, is it?

‘It should be for him. I don’t know how he has the energy at his age. He’ll give himself a heart attack.’

Which is a neat way of avoiding making explicit your judgement.

‘What judgement?’

What judgement could I make of him? Of this type of behaviour?

‘… That he treats Emily badly. That he treats Chloe badly. That conducting non-monogamous relationships is harmful, is that what you’re driving at? That there’s something compulsive and cruel about it?’

That’s what I seem to think.

‘Fine. If you insist. Monogamy is the best system we have to avoid hurting people, to avoid chaos. We should all get married as soon as possible.’

*

Sophie and I were texting. She was still on holiday.

You’re not bothered about monogamy, are you? she wrote.

Not really. I don’t need to own the person I’m with.

I didn’t think so.

Why?

I’ve just been thinking about polyamory. I think I’m a polyamorist.

Right.

And you are too?

I wouldn’t put it on my CV. It’s a sexual perversion to commit secretly, not a philosophy we should proudly brag about.

You are so old. It is not a perversion!