‘Maybe in a bit. We’re going to have a couple more balloons first.’

‘Fucking millennials,’ I said.

‘Shut up,’ said Mary. ‘Go and listen to your Oasis and Blur records downstairs.’

Though we were born either end of the same decade, there is a difference in kind rather than in degree between us and Mary’s age-appropriate male friends. We grow old, we grow old, while they, an inch or two taller than us, wear their trousers rolled much higher than we would feel comfortable doing. This superficial difference distracts from their superior ethics. Mary’s friends are more earnest, passionate socialists, vegans – what else could you be if you’d ever read a book or used your imagination?

‘So why was your day so shit?’ I called through to Jonathan from the kitchen.

He shambled through into the room and looked at me. He had a tight white shirt on to set off the Christmas tan he’d acquired on whatever sex tour of South East Asia they’d embarked on before she threw him out. He’s a handsome man, with golden hair and a strong jaw he keeps clean-shaven.

‘Money,’ he said.

‘Are you all right?’

‘Not my money. Magazine money. There isn’t enough of it. Advertising’s down. Which is your fault.’

‘My fault!’

‘Editorial’s fault. Stev’n’s fault, really. The brand’s not as edgy as it used to be. We’re losing clients.’

‘What are you going to do?’

‘We were discussing again whether we should bin your book column and replace it with a legal highs column.’

‘Are you joking?’

He looked at me and I saw him make some calculations. ‘Yeah, I’m joking.’

‘You didn’t sound like you were joking.’

‘We’ll have to assess all the regular features, Paul, work out what’s working and what isn’t.’

‘So you’re not joking.’

‘Course I’m joking. What’s going on upstairs then?’

‘They’re inhaling nitrous oxide.’

‘Fucking millennials.’

‘That’s what I said.’

‘I’m going to go and ask them for some.’

‘Yes, do. Nathan would love to see you.’

He gave me a hungry grin and disappeared.

*

Two hours later we were all watching Question Time in the living room. Nigel Farage was shouting about small businesses spending half of their working week complying with EU regulations. Trade will continue with Europe whether or not we’re part of the EU.

‘Turn him off,’ said Jonathan.

‘Turn him off,’ said Nathan.

‘No, I’m interested,’ said Mary. ‘I want to see how convincing he is.’

‘He’s not convincing at all,’ said Nathan.

‘Not to men like you, but other men exist.’

‘And they wouldn’t like you, Nathan,’ said Jonathan.

‘I don’t expect they’d like you either,’ said Mary.

The crowd cheered, or half of it did.

‘Where did you two meet again?’ asked Jonathan.

‘My band were supporting Mary’s,’ said Nathan.