“I had this idea that he was this little world being made. And then something comes along that just stops everything. This force that stops the spinning.”

Jed reached a hand out, and without thinking I put mine in his and he squeezed it back.

“What do you mean, Fred?” Sam said.

I tried to breathe, but it was like the words were crowded in my head and trying to push their way out of my mouth and I had to get them out or else.

“She was driving along the same road she did every day, and I didn’t even say goodbye to her that morning because she was just going to work. She’d started at the council office, do you remember?”

I looked to Jed, but he just kept squeezing my hand and I kept talking.

“Pop was home but Luca was still at work, and it was school break and I just wanted to go play at your house—I ran out and didn’t even tell her goodbye or to have a nice day or anything. . . . And sometimes I remember waving to her from your backyard when she got into her car, but I can’t really remember—do you know? Did we wave to her?”

Jed still didn’t say anything, but he didn’t really need to.

“She would have gone the same way she did every day, down Hotham Road and onto Point Nepean. She must have known that road so well—but then someone else was coming and maybe she just didn’t see them? She braked so hard, and must have missed them because she was the only one, the only one . . .”

I’d started shaking.

“Luca was on duty but he wasn’t the first one there; Penny was.” And then Sam put his arm around my middle. “And she had to tell Luca, y’know? I think about how she had to do that, sometimes. And then her and Luca having to drive home to us, and Pop being there all alone because I was at your house.” I turned to Jed. “Do you remember? We were pretending to be Power Rangers in your backyard?”

Jed nodded.

“And we noticed Luca’s police car and came running over. We went through the back way—I remember there used to be a hole in the fence that we could squeeze through and I remember hearing Pop crying. I’d never heard him cry before.”

And then I was leaning my head on Jed’s shoulder and I could still feel Sam hugging me around my middle. I thought I could hear sirens, but it was just my imagination—remembering the day when Luca had come roaring up in his police car a few weeks later, because I’d climbed onto Jed’s roof, wanting to get closer to Mom.

“So maybe it’s me,” I finally said.