I feel as though my thoughts are caught in a loop – trying to recall those forgotten events and then telling myself that it’s all impossible. I’m going to quickly drive myself mad if I don’t stop. I need to do something to distract myself from all of this. Just for a while, to calm myself down. I pick up my phone from the table. There’s only nine per cent battery life left, but I decide to call the children just to hear their voices. To have some normality.

Vivian answers the home phone and asks how last night went. I give her some vaguely positive reply in a voice that doesn’t sound like my own. She says that the children have been as good as gold. I speak to Alice and Jamie in turn, hearing their excitement about the snow, letting them ramble on about each little thing they’ve done since we’ve been away. It’s a blessing to hear their innocent voices. To be transported for a moment to my regular world where my sister isn’t dead, and I’m not a murderer.

‘I miss you so much, Mummy,’ Jamie says.

‘I miss Mum too!’ Alice calls, not to be outdone.

I smile and tell them that I miss them more and can’t wait to see them tomorrow. As I end the call, I realise I’m crying.

I wipe away my tears with the back of my hand and locate the phone charger in my suitcase. Spying a plug socket beneath my bedside table, I connect my phone and set it on the table. I’m startled by a knock at the door. Then I realise it’s probably housekeeping.

‘No thanks!’ I call, resolving to put out the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign as soon as they’ve gone.

There’s another knock and I’m about to call out again to say I don’t need them when a familiar voice comes through the door.

‘Zoe! It’s Dad.’

My heart begins to race. I thought Toby was going to put him off coming up here. What if Dad sees me and can tell something’s wrong? What if he starts asking questions?

‘Can you let me in, love? I won’t stay long.’

I open my mouth to make an excuse, but I just can’t do it. I’ve never been any good at saying no or turning people away. I check my face in the mirror and wipe away a long smudge of tears with my fingertips. Then I inhale deeply and go over to the door. My only plan is to say as little as possible and feign tiredness in the hope he leaves quickly.